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Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out What are the reasons and what to do to solve this problem v.1

Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out What are the reasons and what to do to solve this problem v. 1
Nowadays, People think that watching TV set is bad for children and the inversely effect on them. But, I personally believe that children’s ought to watched TV is beneficial for them. On the one hand, there numerous reason why watching TV is bad impact for children. Firstly, television screens are very long or short, if children continue to watch TV that’s why they have a health issue regarding this such as eye strain as well as weight gain. Also bad for hearing activity. Another reason is that video programme contains violent and sexual images which bad impact for them. Violent movies and shows change their behaviour and ruin their future. To sum up, watching tv is bad impact for children. On the other hand, I personally agree with watching TV is good for children and their future. Firstly, some station channel taught to children regarding their standard subject. They teach practically and theoretically. Some few schools teach theoretically subject only they do not teach practically how look like. But children learn practically is more beneficial then theoretically. Secondly, television shows learn from children about animals, wildlife as well as life lessons. Also some movie examples, ‘Positivity is a key, to unlock you good luck’ this movie is provide enrich knowledge to children. In addition, children are watching TV is beneficial for their future as well as routing life. In conclusion, People say that watching TV is harmful to children, I would argue that it is very beneficial for them.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching TV set is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
inversely
effect on them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
for them.

On the one hand, there numerous reason why watching TV is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, television screens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long or short, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV that’s why they have a health issue regarding this such as eye strain
as well
as weight gain.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
for hearing activity. Another reason is that video
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
contains violent and sexual images which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact for them. Violent movies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and ruin their future. To sum up, watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact for children.

On the other hand
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with watching TV is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their future.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "stations"?
station
channel taught to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regarding their standard subject. They teach
practically
and
theoretically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
few schools teach
theoretically
subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they do not teach
practically
how look like.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
practically
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
Did you mean "than"?
then
theoretically
.
Secondly
, television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about animals, wildlife
as well
as life lessons.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
movie examples, ‘Positivity is a key, to unlock you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
luck’ this movie is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
enrich knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching TV is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
for their future
as well
as routing life.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
say that watching TV is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
for them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out What are the reasons and what to do to solve this problem v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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