Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries there are not enough students are choosing to study science subjects What are the causes And what will be the effects on society v.1

In many countries there are not enough students are choosing to study science subjects What are the causes And what will be the effects on society v. 1
It is true that in some nations, students tend to choose other subjects for learning in lieu of science. Although this trend is attributed by a whole host of reasons, some affects it can cause for society. On the one hand, there are several reasons of this problem. The first one is that since there are many schools or colleges are behind the time, they are slow to dismiss the traditional idea that girls should not take part in science. In fact, this sexist attitude regards science as a traditional men preserve, thus many universities prefer to allow man instead of woman involved in science courses, which would decrease the opportunities of woman counterpart want to study this field. The other reason is that nowadays, there are many other fields which are more attractive than science, such as business or finance. This means that many people believe occupations in these areas could bring them more opportunities to land decent jobs with handsome salaries, or moving up the career ladder. On the other hand, there would be serious effects on society if students do not choose to study science subjects. First, in term of environment, this problem could lead to the problem of lacking traditional professionals to find out solutions for urgent problems, such as finding the alternative sources of renewable energy when the amount of oil and coal is decrease significantly. Second, in health perspective, there will be the phenomenon of lacking doctors, which can lead to the burden in human resources of health care system, or lacking of researchers, who are key factors to find out the cure for life-threatening diseases, such as Alzheimer. In conclusion, some causes of this problem can be identified, and the serious effects on society must not be underestimated
It is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, students tend to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects for learning in lieu of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Although this trend
is attributed
by a whole host of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
affects it can cause for society.

On the one hand, there are several reasons of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The
first
one is that since there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools or colleges are behind the time, they are slow to dismiss the traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that girls should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. In fact, this sexist attitude regards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as a traditional
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "man"?
men
preserve,
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
instead
of woman involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
courses, which would decrease the opportunities of woman counterpart want to study this field. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason is that nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields which are more attractive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, such as business or finance. This means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe occupations in these areas could bring them more opportunities to land decent jobs with handsome salaries, or moving up the career ladder.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there would be serious effects on society if students do not choose to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects.
First
, in term of environment, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of lacking traditional professionals to find out solutions for urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as finding the alternative sources of renewable energy when the amount of oil and coal is decrease
significantly
. Second, in health perspective, there will be the phenomenon of lacking doctors, which can lead to the burden in human resources of health care system, or lacking of researchers, who are key factors to find out the cure for life-threatening diseases, such as Alzheimer.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be identified
, and the serious effects on society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be underestimated
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries there are not enough students are choosing to study science subjects What are the causes And what will be the effects on society v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts