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TPO19 – Q2: More and more people are buying items on the Internet and from magazines or catalogs. Other people prefer shopping in the store. Which do you prefer? v.1

TPO19 – Q2: More and more people are buying items on the Internet and from magazines or catalogs. Other people prefer shopping in the store. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Internet has been the most popular things in the world. Every person has known internet and most of them can't be separate with their phones. This cyberspace has been an addict for everyone. Therefore, many of us argue that World Wide Web is giving more bad effects. So, this essay would deliver some reasons and effects of surfing the wide web. The first thing we should know that cyberspace make us closer to each other. This connection makes people feel there is no barriers between country or time. We can contact everyone easily in this era. Moreover, this connection brings us to a lot of new friendships because of its ease. By this connection we also can get a lot of new information that could help us in developing ourselves. Despite all of the positive changes. After all, every improve has its own loss. The internet makes us more individuals and less care about the environment. For example, most of the task now in school using a technology such as laptop, notebook, and others. This task can be easily done by surfing the web, subsequently student won't need to discuss with their classmates because they had done the task easily. This effect the face to face interaction which is really good to build the social behaviour of a person. Even if the wide web made them interact with video calls, it doesn't give the same influence. Cyberspace has its own good influence if we use it according to our needs. Unless if we get the phone addiction too much it will destroy our social behave and made us individuals.
Internet has been the most popular things in the world. Every person has known internet and most of them can't be separate with their phones. This cyberspace has been an addict for everyone.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us argue that World Wide Web is giving more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this essay would deliver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and effects of surfing the wide web.

The
first
thing we should know that cyberspace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us closer to each other. This connection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel
Did you mean "there are no barriers"?
there is no barriers
between country or time. We can contact everyone
easily
in this era.
Moreover
, this connection brings us to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new friendships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. By this connection we
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new information that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in developing ourselves.

Despite
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
After all
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
loss. The internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us more individuals and less care about the environment.
For example
, most of the task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in school using a technology such as laptop, notebook,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. This task can be
easily
done by surfing the web,
subsequently
student won't need to discuss with their classmates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had done the task
easily
. This effect the face to face interaction which is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to build the social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of a person. Even if the wide web made them interact with video calls, it doesn't give the same influence.

Cyberspace has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
influence if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it according to our needs. Unless if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the phone addiction too much it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our social behave and made us individuals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay TPO19 – Q2: More and more people are buying items on the Internet and from magazines or catalogs. Other people prefer shopping in the store. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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