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Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
In this day and age, mobile phones and internet have been gaining popularity for the last decades because it assists in bringing individuals close. This essay will outline that the positive aspects are far more as compared to the negative points. Undoubtedly, people are blessed with a myriad of merits of phones with internet. First of all, individuals take an advantage of the mobile phones as they can contact their loved ones without bounding in the times. Consequently, it makes their ties stronger. Besides this, video conferencing is another achievement of the technology. To specify, consumers can communicate online in a group call, which avoid the need to travel from one nation to other countries. For instance, social websites, such as Whatsapp, Facebook, and Zoom are significant worldwide to interact with each other. Another prominent feature of the internet is online games. To elaborate, users can enjoy their interesting games with their friends by sitting at home rather than doing physical activities. A survey from Oxford University reported, more than 70% of the students involve in Ludo game, which improves not only social skills but also coordination skills while playing. However, these two components have a few demerits. Firstly, many children come across the vulgar scenes while surfing the internet; it puts adverse effects on them. Secondly, when people start using phones steadily, they become addicted towards it, and they have to face health issues. An article in – The Times Now-stated, a half of offsprings lost their eyesight owing to emerging blue light from phones. To conclude, although phones and cyberspace have greatly benefitted to the consumers in diverse ways, it has some negatives that cannot be ignored at all.
In this day and age, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and internet have been gaining popularity for the last decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it assists in bringing individuals close. This essay will outline that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects are far more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points.

Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are blessed
with a myriad of merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
with internet.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, individuals take an advantage of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as they can contact their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones without bounding in the times.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their ties stronger.
Besides
this, video conferencing is another achievement of the technology. To specify, consumers can communicate online in a group call, which avoid the need to travel from one nation to other countries.
For instance
, social websites, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Facebook, and Zoom are significant worldwide to interact with each other.

Another prominent feature of the internet is online games. To elaborate, users can enjoy their interesting games with their friends by sitting at home
rather
than doing physical activities. A survey from Oxford University reported, more than 70% of the students involve in Ludo game, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
coordination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while playing.

However
, these two components have a few demerits.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the vulgar scenes while surfing the internet; it puts adverse effects on them.
Secondly
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
steadily
, they become addicted towards it, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face health issues. An article in
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-stated, a half of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
lost their eyesight owing to emerging blue light from phones.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and cyberspace have
greatly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
to the consumers in diverse ways, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
at all.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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