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many people have learned a foreign languages in their own country. others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. which is better? give the advantages of each and support your view points v.2

many people have learned a foreign languages in their own country. others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. which is better? give the advantages of each and support your view points v. 2
When it comes to the issue of foreign language, some people may agree with this statement and give us sound reasons for their beliefs. On the other hand, some other people might disagree with this idea and have different opinions. Also those opponents probably could provide us with strong purposes to support their thoughts. I believe that foreign language in our own country is a great idea because there are so many reasons support my point of view. This short essay will demonstrate some points regarding this issue in the following paragraphs as there are good reasons for both decisions. First, for me i would like to learn foreign languages in my country. For instance, one day i saw advertising in the street that says there are many people want to share their languages from different continent, so i decided to. Take the chance and i applied to this community. I saw many different people from all over the world. i decided to learn the language that i have always dreamed to learn. So i met one Italian man who was also wanted to learn Arabic. We decided to meet two days a week for 2-3 hours, we spent so much time together, we had a lot of fun, and i learned almost all the basics of Italian language. Furthermore learning a foreign language is something beautiful to add to ourselves. It influences people' s daily life. Second, one-day i decided to travel to Italy for many reasons, one of them to see Venice, taking some courses that i need. When i arrived i knew how to say hi and how are you. This man helped so much to get over many difficulties that i faced in the street. For instance, when i arrived i knew how to say where I can find a bus station, and give the address of the hotel that i want to go. I met so many other peoples who were surprised how I can be so good in their language. At the first i thought those basics won' t help that much, but i was so wrong. After a while my languages improved so much better than i thought. Third, learning foreign language in the country in which it is spoken will take more time. But there is example that will show the advantage of this statement. One of my friends went to USA, she wanted to evaluate her bachelor' s degree. There were many requirements that she needs to give, one of them is to give high score in TOEFL. She wasn' t good in English, so she took a decision that instead of staying home and spend more time in learning English, she decided to join some clubs that she can meet people' s to talk with and making friends. She ended up with high score in TOEFL. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw a conclusion that says, learning a foreign language in our country will be more helpful, people who hold the opposite idea may have the right to believe in that learning a foreign language in the same country that it is spoken it will be easier, but my opinion and other people' s opinions are overwhelmingly too much to be ignored.
When it
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comes
to the issue of
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foreign
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language
,
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some
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people
may
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agree
with this statement and
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give
us sound
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reasons
for their beliefs. On the
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other
hand,
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some
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other
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people
might disagree with this
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idea
and have
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different
opinions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
those opponents
probably
could provide us with strong purposes to support their thoughts. I believe that
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foreign
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language
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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country
is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
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because
there are
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so
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many
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reasons
support my point of view. This short essay will demonstrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points regarding this issue in the following paragraphs as there are
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good
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reasons
for both decisions.

First
, for me
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i
would like to
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learn
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foreign
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languages
in my
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country
.
For instance
, one day
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
advertising in the street that
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says
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to share their
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languages
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continent,
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so
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
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decided
to. Take the chance and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
applied to this community. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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different
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people
from all over the world.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decided
to
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learn
the
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language
that
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i
have always dreamed to
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learn
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
met one Italian
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man
who was
also
wanted to
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learn
Arabic. We
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decided
to
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meet
two days a week for 2-3 hours, we spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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much
time together, we had
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a lot of
fun, and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
learned almost all the basics of Italian
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language
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
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learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
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language
is something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to ourselves. It influences
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s daily life.

Second, one-day
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
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decided
to travel to Italy for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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reasons
, one of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Venice, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
need. When
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
arrived
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
knew how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
hi and how are you. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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much
to
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get
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
faced in the street.
For instance
, when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
arrived
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
knew how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
where I can find a bus station, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the address of the hotel that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
want to go. I met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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other
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peoples
who
were surprised
how I can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. At the
first
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
those basics
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won&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that
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much
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. After a while my
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languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
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so
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much
better than
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

Third,
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learning
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the
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country
in which it
is spoken
will take more time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is example that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the advantage of this statement. One of my friends went
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
, she wanted to evaluate her
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelor&
#039; s degree. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
requirements that she needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
, one of them is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
high score in TOEFL. She
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "good at English".
good in English
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she took a decision that
instead
of staying home and spend more time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
English, she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decided
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
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some
clubs that she can
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meet
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s to talk with and making friends. She ended up with high score in TOEFL.

From what has
been discussed
above, we may
finally
draw a conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be more helpful,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may have the right to believe in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that it
is spoken
it will be easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my opinion and
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other
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s opinions are
overwhelmingly
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
68Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Mistakes

IELTS essay many people have learned a foreign languages in their own country. others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. which is better? give the advantages of each and support your view points v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
546 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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