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Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. v. 1
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the current shortage of skillful workers. Some people state that we should encourage more people to do vocational education, while others believe that academic study is the better choice for most students. I mainly agree with the former view for the following reasons. First, it is clear that the majority of knowledge vocational training providing focus on practical skills. This means that students do not have to learn general subjects so they can shorten their study time but could also get a comprehensive pack of necessary insights for their careers. As a result, they will enter the workplace much sooner than those attending universities. In other words, vocational education can help graduates become more competitive in the job market. Moreover, vocational training could become the key to the lack of qualified workforce question. Currently, many projects have been slow down due to the insufficiency of labours, especially for the electricity system and water system. In contrast to the limited demand of the academic workforce, skillful labours are always in high demand in all countries. That is not to say that vocational education will be suitable for every student. Those students who want to become academic-related jobs like doctors or teachers will find academic study is suitable. But still, doing vocational training is a good option for most students. In conclusion, vocational pursuits should be promoted, which can help guarantee a high rate of employment, and thus help the governments solve the dilemma of skillful worker shortage. Meanwhile, there are still some particular jobs that need to have general knowledge from universities.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
shortage of skillful workers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that we should encourage more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do vocational education, while others believe that academic study is the better choice for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view for the following reasons.

First
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the majority of knowledge vocational training providing focus on practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn general subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can shorten their study time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a comprehensive pack of necessary insights for their careers.
As a result
, they will enter the workplace much sooner than those attending universities.
In other words
, vocational education can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
graduates become more competitive in the job market.

Moreover
, vocational training could become the key to the lack of qualified workforce question.
Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
projects have been slow down due to the insufficiency of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
,
especially
for the electricity system and water system.
In contrast
to the limited demand of the academic workforce, skillful
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
are always in high demand in all countries.

That is
not to say that vocational education will be suitable for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to become academic-related jobs like doctors or teachers will find academic study is suitable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
, doing vocational training is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for most students.

In conclusion
, vocational pursuits should
be promoted
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
guarantee a high rate of employment, and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
solve the dilemma of skillful worker shortage. Meanwhile, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular jobs that need to have general knowledge from universities.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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