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Due to poorer countries experiencing a brain drain they are seeing many professionals such as doctors and teachers leaving to work in more developed countries What problems do this cause What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation v.1

Due to poorer countries experiencing a brain drain they are seeing many professionals such as doctors and teachers leaving to work in more developed countries What problems do this cause What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation v. 1
It is argued by some that parenting skills should be included in the curriculum in every school. In my opinion, I believe that teaching students the qualities of being a good parent can be useful in various ways, where they can learn the essential qualities that mothers and fathers should have such as patience, attention and communication. Educating and training the young generation, especially in high schools can be advantageous for the future. Firstly, preparing the youngsters for the real life is one of the school's main responsibilities. In other words, motherhoods and fatherhoods is a stage which most of individuals will face, where they are accountable in raising their children wisely to have an effective and productive society. Therefore, teaching the young parenting skills will increase the chances of them being good and responsible parents. Secondly, giving the teenagers a taste of the responsibility that comes along with being a parent, will indirectly spread a fear among the young, leading to some to be more aware and responsible during their sexual relationships. For instance, schools in the USA who enforce parenting courses to their students have minor rates of pregnant woman dropouts. Being a good and responsible parent involves having several skills. To begin with, newly parents undergo into lots of stress in order to understand what their babies need. Hence, being patient is a vital skill in raising a child. Moreover, good communication skills are also essential to have a both healthy relationship between parents and their kids and to protect the youngsters also. To put it differently, an open line of communication between parents and their kids ensures children seeking to their parent's advice about unwanted situations. In conclusion, educating the young generation about parenting skills can be beneficial for the short and long run. Where they will gain the skills needed to be good parents and employ them on their children in a clever way.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be included
in the curriculum in every school. In my opinion, I believe that teaching students the qualities of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can be useful in various ways, where they can learn the essential qualities that mothers and fathers should have such as patience, attention and communication.

Educating and training the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation,
especially
in high schools can be advantageous for the future.
Firstly
, preparing the youngsters for the real life is one of the school's main responsibilities.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
motherhoods
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
fatherhoods
is a stage which
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the individuals") or simply say "most individuals".
most of individuals
will face, where they are accountable in raising their children
wisely
to have an effective and productive society.
Therefore
, teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will increase the chances of them being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Secondly
, giving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
a taste of the responsibility that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, will
indirectly
spread a fear among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to be more aware and responsible during their sexual relationships.
For instance
, schools in the USA who enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
courses to their students have minor rates of pregnant woman dropouts.

Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
involves having several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
newly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
undergo into lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in order to understand what their babies need.
Hence
, being patient is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in raising a child.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
also
essential to have a both healthy relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their kids and to protect the youngsters
also
. To put it
differently
, an open line of communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their kids ensures children seeking to their parent's advice about unwanted situations.

In conclusion
, educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can be beneficial for the short and long run. Where they will gain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and employ them on their children
Consider replacing "in a clever way" with the adverb for "clever"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a clever way
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to poorer countries experiencing a brain drain they are seeing many professionals such as doctors and teachers leaving to work in more developed countries What problems do this cause What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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