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Many people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and develop health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough time to exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.2

Many people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and develop health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough time to exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 2
In recent modern age, many people suffer from little or no exercise. This essay will examine the reasons why people do not get enough time to exercise and suggest solutions to the problem. There are several reasons lead people lose their movement and consequently their health in their life. Firstly, by developing the technology, machines work instead of people, which is lead to inactivity. For example, in the past, individuals lift heavy objects by themselves, but after the innovation of the crane, no one needs to lift the heavy object by themselves. Secondly, many people do the office work which only needs to sit at the desk and work with the computer and so on do their jobs. Finally, the majority of people use their own private transportation and not even walk to reach to the public transportation stations. Several steps can be taken to tackle the issue. Although the machinery makes the job easier for the workers, they have to do part of the job by themselves to make their body move. However, they should take care of hazardous job which should be done by machines only. Moreover, office workers should take some walking steps everyone over. For instance, they can go to the pantry for coffee and tea and do not ask office made to bring them. Besides, expanded and convenience public transportation can encourage people to use them instead of using private cars. In conclusion, while lack of physical activity during the working hours and free time lead to health problems for every member of society, steps can be taken to tackle the issue.
In recent modern age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no exercise. This essay will examine the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to exercise and suggest solutions to the problem.

There are several reasons lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their movement and
consequently
their health in their life.
Firstly
, by developing the technology, machines work
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which is lead to inactivity.
For example
, in the past, individuals lift heavy objects by themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after the innovation of the crane, no one needs to lift the heavy object by themselves.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the office work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
needs to sit at the desk and work with the computer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Finally
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private transportation and not even walk to reach to the public transportation stations.

Several steps can
be taken
to tackle the issue. Although the machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easier for the workers, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
by themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.
However
, they should take care of hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which should
be done
by machines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Moreover
, office workers should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
walking steps everyone over.
For instance
, they can go to the pantry for coffee and tea and do not ask office made to bring them.
Besides
, expanded and convenience public transportation can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
instead
of using private cars.

In conclusion
, while lack of physical activity during the working hours and free time lead to health problems for every member of society, steps can
be taken
to tackle the issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and develop health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough time to exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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