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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives What are the reasons for this How can this problem be overcome v.2

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives What are the reasons for this How can this problem be overcome v. 2
The government and citizens of countries sometimes have contrasting views about whether people should spend more time at office or they should pay more time for leisure and physical activities. In this essay, an attempt will be made to explain the causes of hectic life as well as to solve this issues. On the one hand, there are numerous researchers who feel that in today' s era it is much difficult to find better accommodations, jobs and societies. But, they always claim that family is just an important plays the major role in human beings life. Firstly, in the contemporary era most of the individuals who hold a lot of interest to earn more money so that they always ready to compromise with life for this reason that have preferred to live away from hometown and lack the knowledge of cooking skill. This is illustrated by the fact that, in the global, around 60 percent of international business who had migrated in every year from own country to other nation for studying and working so for that they face more issues during the each day like it is extremely hard manage to study and work sulatenously. On the other hand, some experts belief that in the 21st century public holidays and weekends are more effective way to reduce the burden of work. Thus, they get a more chances to spend their own quality time with family and friends then they are able to improve the relationship. A recent study showed that in India, last year one of the most eminent and highly esteemed apple cellphone industry which had more enthusiastic gave holidays to their own workers for a month then they were able to enjoy the time with family. Moreover, the main motive of holidays that citizens motivate and excited to join the yoga, zumba and gym classes thus, they are eligible to improve health. In conclusion, it is indeed the fact that jobs are part of the society. But, they can not able to manage schedule for other activities. It is believed so there are so many ways to be discovered to tackle this issue.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and citizens of countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have contrasting views about whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
office or
they should pay more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure and physical activities. In this essay, an attempt will
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the causes of hectic life
as well
as to solve this issues.

On the one hand, there are numerous researchers who feel that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s era it is much difficult to find better accommodations, jobs and societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they always claim that family is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
plays the major role in human
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "beings'" or "being's"?
beings
life.
Firstly
, in the contemporary era most of the individuals who hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
interest to earn more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they always ready to compromise with life
for this reason
that have preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from hometown and lack the knowledge of cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. This
is illustrated
by the fact that, in the global, around 60 percent of international business who had migrated in every year from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country to other nation for studying and working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for that they face more issues during
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
day like it is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
manage to study and work
Possible spelling mistake found.
sulatenously
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "experts'" or "expert's"?
experts
belief that in the 21st century public holidays and weekends are more effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of work.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a more chances to spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family and friends then they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the relationship. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that in India, last year one of the most eminent and
highly
esteemed apple cellphone industry which had more enthusiastic gave holidays to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
workers for a month
Did you mean "than"?
then
they were able to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family.
Moreover
, the main motive of holidays that citizens motivate and excited to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the yoga,
Possible spelling mistake found.
zumba
and gym classes
thus
, they are eligible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health.

In conclusion
, it is
indeed
the fact that jobs are part of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they can not able to manage schedule for other activities. It
is believed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
be discovered
to tackle this issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives What are the reasons for this How can this problem be overcome v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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