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Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than in building a large collection of paper books To what extend do you agree v.2

Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than in building a large collection of paper books 2
While, majority of the people who believe that in today' s era computer and internet cafe' s are replace into number of books shelves. I strongly agree with the idea that it is better way for people to search the information easily by technology, I believe that e-books are playing major role in human life. On the one hand, I feel that number of people who have liked to read the magazine' s and pamphlets through paper books than technology. Firstly, a lot of researchers think that rely on technology is no more beneficial especially for students in the contemporary era because sometimes it creates critical issue like slow processing or download, short circut, fall information and adversely effect on eyes. However, paper books are always print by the experts writer and provide the valuable data or experience which are more helpful for students. On the other hand, the invention of the technology has changed the lifestyle of people and extensive study material is available on online websites which are very easy to collect and download within a seconds fraction of time. Secondly, students who are million of money and time on books, stationary, notebooks and so on in every year than through technology they can easily download or copy the notes. Besides this, according to me now in this era technology is very expensive, with people are easy distract from study by mobile notification and people who are not very affluent then they can not be afford it. In conclusion, libraries mean sea' s knowledge and more concentration place specially for students, on the other hand, if authority are keep the technology inside the library then it natural people more distrub, become to lazy and expand badly noise.
While,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s era computer and internet
Possible spelling mistake found.
cafe&
#039; s are
Consider using a past participle here: "replaced".
replace
into number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
shelves. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to search the information
easily
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, I believe that e-books are playing major role in human life.

On the one hand, I feel that number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have liked to read the
Possible spelling mistake found.
magazine&
#039; s and pamphlets through paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is no more beneficial
especially
for students in the contemporary era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it creates critical issue like slow processing or download, short
Possible spelling mistake found.
circut
, fall information and
adversely
effect on eyes.
However
, paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are always print by the experts writer and provide the valuable data or experience which are more helpful for students.

On the other hand
, the invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and extensive study material is available on online websites which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to collect and download within a
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "seconds'" or "second's"?
seconds
fraction of time.
Secondly
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
of money and time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, stationary, notebooks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on in every year than through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
they can
easily
download or copy the notes.
Besides
this, according to me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in this era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are easy distract from study by mobile notification and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
affluent then they can not be
Consider using a past participle here: "afforded".
afford
it.

In conclusion
, libraries mean
Possible spelling mistake found.
sea&
#039; s knowledge and more concentration place
specially
for students,
on the other hand
, if authority are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
inside the library then
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
distrub
, become to lazy and expand
badly
noise.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than in building a large collection of paper books 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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