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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How this problem can be overcome? v.2

These days, work-life balance is considered as an important aspect in life for many people and they try to achieve it. However, not many people succeed in achieving it. There are some reasons why this problem is occurring, but some solutions can be introduced to alleviate the current issue. To begin with, there are some factors which have caused this issue. First of all, people are burdened with heavy workloads. As competitions between companies become severe nowadays, companies force their employees to work immensely. This leads to workers suffering from heavy workloads and working overtime. This makes them fail to acquire a work-life balance. In addition, inflexible working hours in many firms can be another reason. In most cases, companies have fixed working hours which make employees stay at their workplace even though they have finished their tasks. This factor causes an imbalance between work and life. However, introducing some adequate solutions can tackle this issue. First and foremost, governments should legislate flexible working hours. By imposing a policy which companies must follow, it would ensure workers’ work-life balance as they can choose working hours according to their own schedule. Moreover, employers should provide certain forms of welfare. Welfare systems such as providing training courses, costs for exercise, and so on, would be an effective strategy to make employees work as well as pursuing work-life balance. It would ensure that employees maintain their lifestyle as well as work hard. To conclude, although it is hard for workers to balance work and life, I believe that there are some solutions. Thus, some adequate actions must be taken to improve the quality of life of workers.
These days, work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
is considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect in life for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they try to achieve it.
However
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
succeed in achieving it. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this problem is occurring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions can
be introduced
to alleviate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors which have caused this issue.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are burdened
with heavy workloads. As competitions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
become severe nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
immensely
. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
suffering from heavy workloads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them fail to acquire a work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
.
In addition
, inflexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
firms can be another reason.
In most cases
,
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companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
stay at their workplace
even though
they have finished their tasks. This factor causes an imbalance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life.

However
, introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adequate solutions can tackle this issue.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should legislate flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. By imposing a policy which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow, it would ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers’
work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
as they can choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule.
Moreover
, employers should provide certain forms of welfare. Welfare systems such as providing training courses, costs for exercise, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, would be an effective strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
as pursuing work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
. It would ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
maintain their lifestyle
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

To conclude
, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adequate actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
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The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay : Many people aim to achieve balance between work and life but only a few people achieve it. Why is this problem happening? What are the solutions for this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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