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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v.4

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v. 4
Nowadays, many companies are competing with others, so that increasing productivity or services is a way to maintain their a corporate image, but this takes their workers’ free time which should be spent with their family or doing anything else. There are some causes and solutions to this problem, which I will discuss here. Perhaps, a tight schedule is at the root of difficulty in the work-life balance since most companies have some projects that workers must face and complete it all in a certain period of time, For example, a designer which have to design logo during a week. Thus, many working people do not have time for their family and this means that they are under pressure. Moreover, another cause may lack employees or machines available. As an illustration of this, some industries in the developing countries do not possess enough equipment. Therefore, each worker has to cope with the heavy workload which accounts for overtime. On the other side of the coin, They ought to go holiday with their couple or children, or do leisure activity. Regarding the causes of this issue, the managers must be able to measure or predict the number of duties, which enable be done by their their labours or officers during working hours and the amounts of equipment, which make their job more efficient. For instance, manufacturing cars need to 10 robots or 2 acres of farmland are capable of being ploughed by 10 people. If the employers respect the labour rights and even know the benefits of having free time towards productivity, balancing between work and other parts of lives will be easy for individuals. Overall, the hectic schedule and the lack of workforce, or tools are the causes of this difficulty, so the ability of fixing between workload and workforce is the best way of the work-life balance
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are competing with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that increasing productivity or services is a way to maintain
Did you mean "there"?
their
a corporate image,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this takes their workers’ free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which should
be spent
with their family or doing anything else. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and solutions to this problem, which I will discuss here.

Perhaps, a tight schedule is at the root of difficulty in the work-life balance since most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects that workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
face and complete it all in a certain period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
For example
, a designer which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
design logo during a week.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family and this means that they are under pressure.
Moreover
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
may lack employees or machines available. As an illustration of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industries in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
do not possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
equipment.
Therefore
, each worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
cope with the heavy workload which accounts for overtime. On the other side of the coin, They ought to go holiday with their couple or children, or do leisure activity.

Regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this issue, the managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to measure or predict the number of duties, which enable
be done
by
Possible typo: you repeated a word
their their
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
or officers during working hours and the amounts of equipment, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their job more efficient.
For instance
, manufacturing cars need to 10 robots or 2 acres of farmland are capable of being
Possible spelling mistake. 'ploughed' is British English.
ploughed
by 10
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If the employers respect the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
rights and even know the benefits of having free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
towards productivity, balancing between work and other parts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will be easy for individuals.

Overall
, the hectic schedule and the lack of workforce, or tools are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this difficulty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the ability of fixing between workload and workforce is the best way of the work-life balance
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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