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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives What are the reasons for this How can this problem be overcome v.1

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives What are the reasons for this How can this problem be overcome v. 1
The idea that the world has now turned towards a global village, is a fact that cannot be disputed. This can be seen in the similarities that exists amongst nations. Consequently, people from different nationalities can now purchase the same products anywhere around the globe. Due to the fact that this trend will reduce the gap between the rich and poor country, and force the local manufacturers to produce high quality goods and cure the homesick migrants often feel. I therefore think that this is a positive development, and this essay will discuss that. To begin with, the benefits of this new development cannot be overemphasized. Firstly, the concept of rich-poor divide is greatly reduced. This is due to the fact that everyone uses the same type of products, regardless of the race. For example, mobile phones which are produced in Japan can be bought and used by people from all works of life. Moreover, different nationalities wear the same clothes, this has made it difficult to distinguish people based on what they wear. Undoubtedly, national disparity has been curtailed by this. In addition, migrants now feel more relaxed and comfortable in their host nation. Gone are the days when people find it daunting travelling abroad because they fear they might die of hunger. Nowadays people have their contemporary cuisines in their respective host countries. To cite an example, Mac Donald in the Philippines sells Chinese food and thus the Chinese enjoyed their stay in the Philippines. As can be seen they can comfortably relax anywhere they find themselves, without thinking of going to their respective countries. Furthermore, the local manufacturers are put under pressure to manufacture high quality products. As an increasing number of people prefer foreign goods to local goods, in order to meet up with the foreign goods, the countries' manufacturers try new and better ways to upgrade their products. To illustrate, Innoson, a renowned car dealer in Nigeria, recently produced the latest Ford. This was able to meet the standard of foreign cars, people normally buy. With these few points, this trend is without doubt highly beneficial. To conclude, countries have now become increasingly similar because same goods can be purchased anywhere. This has greatly reduced the gap between the rich and poor country and also made the local manufacturers to produce high quality goods. I therefore think that this is a positive development.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the world has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
turned towards a global village, is a fact that cannot
be disputed
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the similarities that exists amongst nations.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
anywhere around the globe. Due to the fact that this trend will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between the rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
to produce high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and cure the homesick migrants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel. I
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, and this essay will discuss that.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the benefits of this new development cannot
be overemphasized
.
Firstly
, the concept of rich-poor divide is
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
This is due to the fact that
everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the same type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, regardless of the race.
For example
, mobile phones which
are produced
in Japan can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all works of life.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities wear the same clothes, this has made it difficult to distinguish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on what they wear.
Undoubtedly
, national disparity has
been curtailed
by this.
In addition
, migrants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
feel more relaxed and comfortable in their host nation. Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it daunting travelling abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they fear they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of hunger. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their contemporary cuisines in their respective host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To cite an example, Mac Donald in the Philippines sells Chinese food and
thus
the Chinese enjoyed their stay in the Philippines. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
they can
comfortably
relax anywhere they find themselves, without thinking of going to their respective countries.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
are put
under pressure to manufacture high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. As an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, the countries'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
try new and better ways to upgrade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Innoson
, a renowned car dealer in Nigeria, recently produced the latest Ford. This was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the standard of foreign cars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. With these few points, this trend is without doubt
highly
beneficial.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
become
increasingly
similar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
anywhere. This has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the gap between the rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
to produce high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. I
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives What are the reasons for this How can this problem be overcome v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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