Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than in building a large collection of paper books To what extend do you agree v.1

Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than in building a large collection of paper books 1
Every four years the whole world experiences International Sporting Events such as the Olympics and the Football World Cup in which athletes show their best performance to make their country proud. International Sporting Events are considered as a way to maintain the world peace and to show patriotism in a right way. The following essay will demonstrate the two main effects of these popular sporting events. On the one hand, participating international events express the athletes' patriotism through their performance. They literally spend their whole lives training to get the highest reward. Furthermore, there is a high risk of getting injured due to playing football. For instance, as pointed by The Encyclopedia of British Football, on wet days the ball grew increasingly heavy as the leather soaked up large amounts of liquid. This, together with the lacing that protected the valve of the bladder, made heading the ball not only unpleasant but also painful and dangerous. A large number of football players in the past have suffered long term brain damage because of repeated heading of heavy, wet ball. On the other hand, sporting events has replaced wars. Their national sport team members are considered as soldiers since they are the representatives of their countries. In the past, countries used to show strength and power by starting wars and battling while in the present, athletes from various nations are competing against each other in a sportive way. It helps to reduce tension among countries. For instance, when the Football World Cup starts, some countries that are constantly fighting each other have a drastic reduction in the violence incidents. Because the government and media advertise the World Cup in order to grab everybody's attention to the event and encourage their national sports team to win the match. To conclude, sporting events bring people together and help reduce tension among countries. Also, it is a right way to express patriotism.
Every four years the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
experiences International Sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Events
such as the Olympics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup in which athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their best performance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
proud. International Sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Events
are considered
as a way to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
patriotism
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
. The following essay will demonstrate the two main effects of these popular sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

On the one hand, participating international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
express the athletes' patriotism through their performance. They
literally
spend their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the highest reward.
Furthermore
, there is a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting injured due to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
.
For instance
, as pointed by The Encyclopedia of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Football
, on wet days the ball grew
increasingly
heavy as the leather soaked up large amounts of liquid. This, together with the lacing that protected the valve of the bladder, made heading the ball not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unpleasant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
painful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
players in the past have suffered long term brain damage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of repeated heading of heavy, wet ball.

On the other hand
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has replaced wars. Their national sport team members
are considered
as soldiers since they are the representatives of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
strength and power by starting wars and battling while in the present, athletes from various nations are competing against each other
Consider replacing "in a sportive way" with the adverb for "sportive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a sportive way
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
tension among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that are
constantly
fighting each other have a drastic reduction in the violence incidents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and media advertise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup in order to grab everybody's attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and encourage their national sports team to win the match.

To conclude
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
tension among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Also
, it is a right way to express patriotism.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Libraries should focus on improving their technological resources rather than in building a large collection of paper books 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts