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Comfort Zone BiasPsychologists have found that when people make important decision, they often choose to stay in their “Comfort Zone”; that is, they prefer remaining in comfortable, familiar situations, rather than entering into new, unfamiliar ones. v.2

Comfort Zone BiasPsychologists have found that when people make important decision, they often choose to stay in their “Comfort Zone”; that is, they prefer remaining in comfortable, familiar situations, rather than entering into new, unfamiliar ones. v. 2
In the fast-paced world, youngsters have been utilizing most of their time with friends instead of their family members since the past decade. This essay will outline the reasons of this trend and further argue that why it is not a good idea to force the youngsters to spend more time at home. The main reason for this change is that the bonding between parents and children has been mitigated from the past few years, and children are not getting proper attention when they need most. Moreover, parents have engaged themselves much in their professional life, even sometimes, they do overtime in their workplaces to earn more money for their family, so they are unable to spend quality time with their children. For instance, around 60 percent of the children of the working parents do not give much preference to be at home. As a result, adolescents feel ignored and spend more time outside from home with peers. If children are forced to spend more time at home, this practice can only lead to create bitterness in their minds against their parents because adolescents do not like to be controlled by their elders. This may result to make them ill-mannered and disobedient. For example, studies have shown that children who face strictness by their parents are more likely to show aggressive behaviour. However, parents can engage young adults in some kind of activities which they really like such as watching their favourite TV shows with them to encourage to spend more time at home. To summarize, many youngsters choose to spend less time with their families because of the busy schedule of their parents due to which they feel unwanted and unloved. Further, I believe that youngsters should not be forced to spend more time at home because it can become the major reason for the development of destructive behaviour in children.
In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, youngsters have been utilizing most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends
instead
of their family members since the past decade. This essay will outline the reasons of this trend and
further
argue that why it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to force the youngsters to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

The main reason for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is that the bonding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
been mitigated
from the past few years, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not getting proper attention when they need most.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have engaged themselves much in their professional life, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they do overtime in their workplaces to earn more money for their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, around 60 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not give much preference to be at home.
As a result
, adolescents feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside from home with peers.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, this practice can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to create bitterness in their minds against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
adolescents do not like to
be controlled
by their elders. This may result to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ill-mannered and disobedient.
For example
, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who face strictness by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can engage young adults in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of activities which they
really
like such as watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
with them to encourage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy schedule of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to which they feel unwanted and unloved.
Further
, I believe that youngsters should not
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can become the major reason for the development of destructive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Comfort Zone BiasPsychologists have found that when people make important decision, they often choose to stay in their “Comfort Zone”; that is, they prefer remaining in comfortable, familiar situations, rather than entering into new, unfamiliar ones. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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