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Many people commit a crime due to lack of well-educated. However, nowadays, it’s also happened with high intellectual level. Explain both phenomenal. v.2

Many people commit a crime due to lack of well-educated. However, nowadays, it’s also happened with high intellectual level. Explain both phenomenal. v. 2
It is obvious that the subject of crime has away raised concerns of both the general population and policy-makers. Nowadays, not only low-educated people have behavior of violence, also well-educated people have intended to commit a crime. In this essay will discuss these problems. There are several reasons why poor educators have committed crimes. Firstly, due to lack of legal knowledge and social awareness, they do not know exactly the regulation of legislation. Without being education, their manners often implement upon a low sense of identity, thus, they have effortlessly become severe crimes such as arson, kidnapping, and so on. Secondly, one of main reasons cause the affairs of poverty that might be low-intellectual level. They are not able to afford the cost of living such as bills, gas, and accommodation, coincidence with a burden in seeking jobs and earning money to raise their relatives. Hence, they have participated in the criminal as thief, shoplifting, and pickpocket to have money paying demand of their life. On the other hand, people have high-educated also can be capable of crimes. Although, they grasp the regulation of legislation as well as dangers of a criminal, they have taken part in against the law with an expectation of none-strict punishment. Moreover, intelligent people combined with greedy personality, they want to earn rapidly money. Thus, many well-educated people have encroached on their knowledge to against laws and became the element of violence such as copyright violations, hacker, and so on. For example, some of IT in Vietnam committed hacker and stolen information from competitive company. In conclusion, admittedly, that the majority of offenders are often poor educators, but well-educated people also able to commit serious crimes. Each one have own kind of criminal, however, they also be received top concern of society because its detrimental is threading to settle society.
It is obvious that the subject of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has away raised concerns of both the general population and policy-makers. Nowadays, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
low-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have behavior of violence,
also
well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have intended to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In this essay will discuss these problems.

There are several reasons why poor educators have committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Firstly
, due to lack of legal knowledge and social awareness, they do not know exactly the regulation of legislation. Without being education, their manners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
implement upon a low sense of identity,
thus
, they have
effortlessly
become severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as arson, kidnapping, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, one of main reasons cause the affairs of poverty that might be low-intellectual level. They are not able to afford the cost of living such as bills, gas, and accommodation, coincidence with a burden in seeking jobs and earning money to raise their relatives.
Hence
, they have participated in the criminal as thief, shoplifting, and pickpocket to have money paying demand of their life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have high-educated
also
can be capable of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Although, they grasp the regulation of legislation
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of a criminal, they have taken part in against the law with an expectation of none-strict punishment.
Moreover
, intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
combined with greedy personality, they want to earn
rapidly
money.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have encroached on their knowledge to against laws and became the element of violence such as copyright violations, hacker, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of IT in Vietnam committed hacker and stolen information from competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
,
admittedly
, that the majority of offenders are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
poor educators,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
able to commit serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Each one have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kind of criminal,
however
, they
also
be received
top concern of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its detrimental is threading to settle society.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people commit a crime due to lack of well-educated. However, nowadays, it’s also happened with high intellectual level. Explain both phenomenal. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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