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Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem. v.2

Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem. v. 2
The number of people in most major cities around the world is increasing at a significant rate, which has resulted in a low standard of living in urban areas and the atmosphere has become dirty and crowded. This growth has happened because cities offer better job opportunities and better quality of life. The issue can be solved by improving the living facilities in rural areas and providing employment chances. Most urban cities offer amazing work options and better living standards. People migrate in search of a better and higher-paying employment as urban areas have all the big firms. For example, people travel to New York from New Jersey for the job. Big metropolis also have greater basic necessities which attract individuals from small towns. To illustrate, people from all over the Sindh province come to Karachi for an upgraded lifestyle. Hence, massive movement to metropolitan is due to better living facilities and labour opportunities. This mass movement can be reduced by providing enhanced housing conditions and other incentives. Firstly, if the people get everything in their small villages and town, there will be no need for them to migrate. In addition, if big offices open up in these places and offer jobs to the locals with increased salary and other benefits as motivation, they will prefer to live close to their families. To illustrate, Sindh government decided to pay 50 percent more to doctors who went to work in remote areas. In conclusion, cities have faced a huge increase in population which has made the environment polluted and full of people. The main reasons for this growth are improved housing conditions and employment chances. The solutions to these problems are twofold: upgraded housing and more incentives in small towns.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in most major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world is increasing at a significant rate, which has resulted in a low standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in urban areas and the atmosphere has become dirty and crowded. This growth has happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality of life. The issue can
be solved
by improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
facilities in rural areas and providing employment chances.

Most urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
offer amazing work options and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
migrate in search of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and higher-paying employment as urban areas have all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
firms.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to New York from New Jersey for the job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
metropolis
also
have greater
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
which attract individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sindh
province
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Karachi for an upgraded lifestyle.
Hence
, massive movement to metropolitan is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
facilities and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
opportunities.

This mass movement can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by providing enhanced housing conditions and other incentives.
Firstly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages and town, there will be no need for them to migrate.
In addition
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
offices open up in these places and offer jobs to the locals with increased salary and other benefits as motivation, they will prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
close to their families. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sindh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decided to pay 50 percent more to doctors who went to work in remote areas.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have faced a huge increase in population which has made the environment polluted and full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The main reasons for this growth are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
housing conditions and employment chances. The solutions to these problems are twofold: upgraded housing and more incentives in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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