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IELTS writing Task 2--Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city area as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem. v.1

IELTS writing Task 2--Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city area as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem. v. 1
Nowadays, a rate of the majority main cities around the world increases dramatically because of the huge population. This has caused a significant reduction in the quality of life in urban areas. For example, the environment becomes over-populated, and many pollutions have occurred. The following will illustrate the factors of over-populated and how can it be solved. First of all, the opportunity of employment might be one of the factors. A study shown that organizations tend to set their company in a big city, which can easily earn money and build reputation. Hence, they would like to offer more job opportunities in cities more than in the country areas. This definitely causes many people move to the city. Another reason is the educational resource. Take me as a real example, I had studied in two different universities because my parents changed their working places. One is in the countryside, which is lack of teacher resource, I even did not need to attend most of the courses due to there was no teacher to teach that course. Once I moved to the capital of my country, I started to realize that why people desperately want to move to the city to acquire better educational resources. Good quality of teaching resources, professional examination system, those definitely trigger more and more citizens to move to the city. Secondly, the best and the most appropriate solution to solve over-populated issue is that the government should balance the employment and educational differentiation between urban and rural areas. By doing this, it might equal the chance of employment, people would like to stay and find an occupation in their hometown, which leads to reduce the over-populated and pollution in the city area. Furthermore, if the government would like to assign some good teachers to rural area and provide affluent salary, this would be another proper way to persuade citizens not to move to the city. To sum up, the factors of overpopulation in the city and how to solve them are always a popular issue to discuss. I would like to restate that the imbalance of employment opportunity and educational resources are the main factors of it. However,   I strongly believe that these two factors can be solved by the government well-arranged resource management between city and country.
Nowadays, a rate of the majority main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world increases
dramatically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge population. This has caused a significant reduction in the quality of life in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For example
, the environment becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-populated
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pollutions have occurred. The following will illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-populated
and how can it
be solved
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the opportunity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
might be one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
. A study shown that organizations tend to set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, which can
easily
earn money and build reputation.
Hence
, they would like to offer more job opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
more than in the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This definitely causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the city. Another reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
. Take me as a real example, I had studied in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their working places. One is in the countryside, which is lack of teacher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
, I even did not need to attend most of the courses due to there was no teacher to teach that course. Once I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the capital of my country, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to realize that why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
desperately
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the city to acquire better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
resources.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
quality of teaching resources, professional examination system, those definitely trigger more and more citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the city.

Secondly
, the best and the most appropriate solution to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-populated
issue is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should balance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
differentiation between urban and rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. By doing this, it might equal the chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to stay and find an occupation in their hometown, which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-populated
and pollution in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
Furthermore
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would like to assign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and provide affluent salary, this would be another proper way to persuade citizens not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the city.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of overpopulation in the city and how to solve them are always a popular issue to discuss. I would like to restate that the imbalance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
opportunity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
resources are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of it.
However
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
strongly
believe that these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can
be solved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
well-arranged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
management between city and country.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay IELTS writing Task 2--Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city area as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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