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Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is good thing? v.5

Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is good thing? v. 5
Despite the fact that it is not necessary to constantly replace old products, many people tend to purchase the cutting edge commodities, such as phone, rather than using their current ones. This essay aims to explain the reasons for this behaviour as well as the possible negative impacts on society. The common reason which could mean that people change products unnecessarily is that they are influenced by their community. One particularly prominent example comes in the form of social pressure. This is often seen in the younger generations who notice that their friends have the newest gadgets or fashion accessory. This phenomenon can cause them to crave similar goods and therefore replace their product to keep up with the trends. In addition, a possible reason for this purchasing mentally is the vast advertisements which are commonly posted on social media platforms or on TV. These ads can, hence, incentivise or pressure people follow the trends. Even though some may argue that this throw away society can boost the national economy, I personally believe that the drawbacks are far outweighed than the benefits. One such drawback is that individuals may end up having huge debts from purchasing commodities unnecessarily. Thus, it is not a positive trend for our society as individuals would face credit risk, which also causes the huge burdens on the nations. Furthermore, the dispose of products, such as luxury bags or electrical devices, may cause the environmental degradation. By way of conclusion, the social influences and the advertisements are the main reasons for people following the trends. I once again reaffirm my position that this buying behaviour may cause some individuals getting into debts and then might slow down the economic progression of the nations.
Despite the fact that it is not necessary to
constantly
replace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the cutting edge commodities, such as phone,
rather
than using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
ones. This essay aims to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as well
as the possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society.

The common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which could mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
unnecessarily
is that they
are influenced
by their community. One
particularly
prominent example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in the form of social pressure. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the younger generations who notice that their friends have the newest gadgets or fashion accessory. This phenomenon can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
them to crave similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
therefore
replace their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the trends.
In addition
, a possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this purchasing mentally is the vast advertisements which are
commonly
posted on social media platforms or on TV. These ads can,
hence
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'incentivise' is British English.
incentivise
or pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the trends.

Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that this throw away society can boost the national economy, I
personally
believe that the drawbacks are far outweighed than the benefits. One such drawback is that individuals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having huge debts from purchasing commodities
unnecessarily
.
Thus
, it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend for our society as individuals would face credit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, which
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the huge burdens on the nations.
Furthermore
,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'dispose' is correct. If 'dispose' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the dispose
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, such as luxury bags or electrical devices, may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the environmental degradation.

By way of conclusion, the social influences and the advertisements are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
following the trends. I once again reaffirm my position that this buying
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals getting into debts and then might slow down the economic progression of the nations.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is good thing? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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