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Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people but things they do not really need? Do you think this is good thing? v.2

Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people but things they do not really need? Do you think this is good thing? v. 2
It is true that, in all over the world, especially in poverty stricken society, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. This essay is going to examine the causes and solutions. The gap between rich people and poor individuals in a society leads to a great deal of crimes and is not beneficial for both the rich and the poor. Generally, the one who has no income or an insufficient salary, struggles for daily vital requirements. In order to cover the expenses, they commit several crimes such as snatching, drug dealing, kidnapping and so on. Furthermore, the children of poorer family may be humiliated by richer children at school. These children lose their self confidence and can not concentrate on the educational programs. consequently, owing to lack of proper education, they may not be able to find appropriate job in their future life. There are several steps can be taken by government to tackle the issue. Firstly, the tax law should be based on every member of public's income. That means, more income should pay more tax. For example, the one who earns the minimum should be tax exempted. Secondly, the assets should not be exceeded to a certain level. If it happens, it should be taken from the wealthy and spend on public facilities and expansion. Last but not least, the governments should give fair job opportunities to people. A percentage of seats should be reserved in schools, colleges and work places for the poor people. In conclusion, the gap between the rich and the poor detriments for both sides and the steps should be taken by governments to tackle this problem.
It is true that, in all over the world,
especially
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
are becoming richer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are becoming poorer. This essay is going to examine the causes and solutions.

The gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
individuals in a society leads to a great deal of crimes and is not beneficial for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Generally
, the one who has no income or an insufficient salary, struggles for daily vital requirements. In order to cover the expenses, they commit several crimes such as snatching, drug dealing, kidnapping and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, the children of poorer family may
be humiliated
by richer children at school. These children lose their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and can not concentrate on the educational programs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, owing to lack of proper education, they may not be able to find appropriate job in their future life.

There are several steps can
be taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to tackle the issue.
Firstly
, the tax law should
be based
on every member of public's income. That means, more income should pay more tax.
For example
, the one who earns the minimum should be tax exempted.
Secondly
, the assets should not
be exceeded
to a certain level. If it happens, it should
be taken
from the wealthy and spend on public facilities and expansion. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
job opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. A percentage of seats should
be reserved
in schools, colleges and work places for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
detriments for both sides and the steps should
be taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to tackle this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people but things they do not really need? Do you think this is good thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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