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More and more people work from home and study from home with the development of computer technology. DO you think it is positive or negative development? v.2

More and more people work from home and study from home with the development of computer technology. DO you think it is positive or negative development? v. 2
Nowadays, technology ruling the world so we should use that automation instead of blaming. I completely go with positive side. However, some drawbacks are there, but that's been very minor when compared to the advantages In the world, everyone have the computer or smart phones, so we can get any information in a second with the help of internet which is very cheap. By using this technology, many of them working in their home, which gives many advantages because many of them do not like to go to the office where they can want put hard work for someone else organization. For instance, one of my friends working as a freelancer, in that software he wants to decide the work and payment. Students have more benefits in that technology because the capacity of understanding is differ from one student to another. Due to this, automation has a lot of educational resources which are free to access and very easy to understand. For example, I usually prefer YouTube for my studies than lecture notes, if one cannot understand that subject, then they can repeat more time until they cleared my doubts. In addition, it has so many courses which are cheap price when compared to outside. Technology provides a lot of offer while using it has more distract and disturbance To conclude, in my view, it has more positive, although some minor cons because positive or negative is depends on our mindsets. Last but not least everyone has pros and cons, so we should focus on the good things
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
ruling the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that automation
instead
of blaming. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks are there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that's been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minor when compared to the advantages

In the world, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
the computer or smart phones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any information in a second with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. By using this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them working in their home, which gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them do not like to go to the office where they can want put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for someone else organization.
For instance
, one of my friends working as a freelancer, in that software he wants to decide the work and payment.

Students have more benefits in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the capacity of understanding is
Consider using a past participle here: "differed".
differ
from one student to another. Due to this, automation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
educational resources which are free to access and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to understand.
For example
, I
usually
prefer YouTube for my studies than lecture notes, if one cannot understand that subject, then they can repeat more time until they cleared my doubts.
In addition
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
price when compared to outside.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
provides
Possible agreement error. The noun offer seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of offers".
a lot of offer
while using it has more distract and disturbance

To conclude
, in my view, it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
is depends on our mindsets. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
everyone has pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should focus on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
things
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people work from home and study from home with the development of computer technology. DO you think it is positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
257 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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