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Experts say if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily will be healthier and happier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss Cause and Solution. v.1

Experts say if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily will be healthier and happier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss Cause and Solution. v. 1
When they finish school, teenagers face the dilemma of whether to get a job or continue their education. While there are benefits to getting a job straight after school, there are also good reasons why it might be beneficial to go to college or university. The option to start work straight after school is attractive for several reasons. Many young people want to start earning money as soon as possible. In this way, they can become independent, and they will be able to afford their own house or start a family. In terms of their career, young people who decide to find work, rather than continue their studies, may progress more quickly. They will have the chance to gain real experience and learn practical skills related to their chosen profession. This may lead to promotions and a successful career. On the other hand, it is also understandable that many students choose to continue their studies. Firstly, academic qualifications are required in many professions. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having the relevant degree. As a result, university graduates have access to more and better job opportunities, and they tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications. Secondly, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive, and sometimes there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a company. Young people who do not have qualifications from a university or college may not be able to compete. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for starting work straight after school, but higher education can also lead to a successful career.
When they finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
face the dilemma of whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or continue their education. While there are benefits to getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, there are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why it might be beneficial to go to college or university.

The option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is attractive for several reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning money as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. In this way, they can become independent, and they will be able to afford their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a family. In terms of their career, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who decide to find work,
rather
than continue their studies, may progress more
quickly
. They will have the chance to gain real experience and learn practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
related to their chosen profession. This may lead to promotions and a successful career.

On the other hand
, it is
also
understandable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students choose to continue their studies.
Firstly
, academic qualifications
are required
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions.
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having the relevant degree.
As a result
, university graduates have access to more and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, and they tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market is becoming
increasingly
competitive, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have qualifications from a university or college may not be able to compete.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments for starting work straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
higher education can
also
lead to a successful career.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Experts say if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily will be healthier and happier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss Cause and Solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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