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Many people believe that TV news and media in general have a detrimental effect on our life. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion, including relevant examples. v.1

Many people believe that TV news and media in general have a detrimental effect on our life. Give your own opinion, including relevant examples. v. 1
In the modern world, people are getting overwhelmed with news and other information through the television and other media channels. Some people consider that this would affect in a bad way to people's lives. I do agree with this statement up to a certain extent, but not always these news reaches us in a harmful way. Following essay will discuss this in details. To begin with, it's true that most of the news contended with negative information such as about crime scenes, drugs situations and juvenile delinquency. Sometimes these are giving the wrong ideas to the public, especially to children. They are trying to imitate the news in real life by putting their lives in danger. For instance, behind most of the school shooting incidents happened in the United States of America, found to be a consequence impact of these media news. Therefore, media channels could bring detrimental influences to the community. On the other hand, news media channels could bring a plethora of good impacts to human's lives. These channels are broadcasting situations such as natural disasters and other weather conditions throughout the world, which allowing people to be on vigilant about their safety. For example, during the tsunami incident in Sri Lanka, segment of general could survive because of real time news broadcastings. In addition, many good causes are happening all over the globe due to public awareness campaigns running by these mediums such as environmental protection programs. In conclusion, even though I agree with the fact that information providers are bringing detrimental effects to humans, without these mediums they will not learn current situation in worldwide. Therefore, people should be careful not follow on everything what they see from these mediums and opt out what's not suitable for them.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting overwhelmed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
information through the television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that this would affect in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement up to a certain extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not always these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reaches us
Consider replacing "in a harmful way" with the adverb for "harmful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a harmful way
. Following essay will discuss this in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it's true that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
contended with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
information such as about crime scenes, drugs situations and juvenile delinquency.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
these are giving the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to the public,
especially
to children. They are trying to imitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in real life by putting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
For instance
, behind most of the school shooting incidents happened in the United States of America, found to be a consequence impact of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
could bring detrimental influences to the community.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
could bring a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts to human's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
are broadcasting situations such as natural disasters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
weather conditions throughout the world, which allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be on vigilant about their safety.
For example
, during the tsunami incident in Sri Lanka, segment of general could survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of real time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
Possible spelling mistake found.
broadcastings
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
causes are happening all over the globe due to public awareness campaigns running by these mediums such as environmental protection programs.

In conclusion
,
even though
I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
information providers are bringing detrimental effects to humans, without these mediums they will not learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation in worldwide.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be careful not
'follow on' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "follow-on".
follow on
everything what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from these mediums and opt out what's not suitable for them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that TV news and media in general have a detrimental effect on our life. Give your own opinion, including relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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