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Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 2
It is a controversial issue as to whether a greater amount of time and money should be spent in saving lives of forest's fauna, or, whether human population could have become the main priority in helping by money and time. Personally, I believe that saving environs have become essential for protecting humanity, so wild creatures ought to save first. To begin with, a wide range of wild animals is going extinct due to the widespread devastation caused by human beings. For that reason, it should be saved for balancing eco-system; otherwise, the imbalance creates myriads of dire consequences such as lack of chemicals affect the production of medicine, and the extinction of one animal may unable to supply food for other creatures result in the loss of precious wild animals. Besides, if the animals of the forest are extinct, people will not get food for their sustenance. Thus, money and time should be given to saving wild animals. Similarly, people think that they spend lots of money on the wild creature; however, I think that the whole world, including myself, believe that they spend time in discussions such as making seminars, creating awareness among people instead of protecting wild animals. In contrast, the expenditure should go to save animals as if they are our pivotal part of our life. What is more, the wild animal protection depends on the charities which come from different organizations. That is why volunteers should spend time on correct institutions to protect the life of wild animals who save human beings. In conclusion, money and time have to be spent on the human population, which I believe unimportant, while if the revenue from governments and public authorities and the valuable time of volunteers can expense on sheltering animals of wildlife, the human population could be saved, automatically, because people destroy wildlife.
It is a controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
a greater amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
in saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of forest's fauna, or, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population could have become the main priority in helping by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Personally
, I believe that saving environs have become essential for protecting humanity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wild creatures ought to save
first
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a wide range of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is going extinct due to the widespread devastation caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. For that reason, it should
be saved
for balancing
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-system
;
otherwise
, the imbalance creates myriads of dire consequences such as lack of chemicals affect the production of medicine, and the extinction of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
Did you mean "may be unable"?
may unable
to supply food for other creatures result in the loss of precious wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Besides
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
of the forest are extinct,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food for their sustenance.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to saving wild animals.

Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they spend lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the wild creature;
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the whole world, including myself, believe that they spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in discussions such as making seminars, creating awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
In contrast
, the expenditure should go to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as if they are our pivotal part of our life.
What is more
, the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection depends on the charities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations.
That is
why volunteers should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on correct institutions to protect the life of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
who save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population, which I believe unimportant, while if the revenue from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and public authorities and the valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of volunteers can expense on sheltering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
of wildlife, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population could
be saved
,
automatically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
wildlife.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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