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Many people believe that TV news and media in general have a detrimental effect on our life. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion, including relevant examples. v.2

Many people believe that TV news and media in general have a detrimental effect on our life. Give your own opinion, including relevant examples. v. 2
It is believed by many of the people that the Television news and media have a negative effect on our life. We cannot deny the fact that Television news and media serve all the information and news without any delay and it helps to improve our General Knowledge and update ourselves about the current affairs. However, In my opinion, I feel that a lot of detrimental effects on people's life are caused by the diverting, inappropriate, and manipulating news showed in the TV channels. Firstly, the news we get is not always the highest priority news happening in the world, as the channels decide what to show the people and what opinion the viewers should have on that incident. For example, If there is a news on a scam on bullet proof jackets purchased for the Army men, the news channels that are directly or indirectly funded by the ruling party, will avoid showing that content. Rather, it will highlight a news report on an actress playing the role of a Goddess and received threats by the leaders of a particular community or religion. Secondly, when the news agitates, they will not follow up on that issue. Instead, they will focus on some other interesting issue, that can give the channel the most viewer ratings. Although the channels are swift in delivering the news, I would say that they are not responsible enough to focus on what is relevant to the society. For instance, a protest on the methane extraction project in Tamilnadu, which may cause serious drought in a decade, will not get the continuous follow-up and highlight as it loses an entertainment factor. This news can be over-shadowed by any news that has a religious new or a news from the film industry. In conclusion, the TV channels can be more accountable for what they show and they should realise that their job is just to report the happenings and not to take any side of the issue. Moreover, they should take care whether the content is appropriate for the audience and provide priority to the ones that will have a huge impact on the society.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and media have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on our life. We cannot deny the fact that Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and media serve all the information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
without any delay and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our General Knowledge and update ourselves about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs.
However
, In my opinion, I feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
detrimental effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
are caused
by the diverting, inappropriate, and manipulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the TV channels.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
is not always the highest priority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
happening in the world, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
decide what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and what opinion the viewers should have on that incident.
For example
, If there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on a scam on bullet proof jackets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
for the Army
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
that are
directly
or
indirectly
funded by the ruling party, will avoid showing that content.
Rather
, it will highlight a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
report on an actress playing the role of a Goddess and received threats by the leaders of a particular community or religion.

Secondly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
agitates, they will not follow up on that issue.
Instead
, they will focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other interesting issue, that can give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
the most viewer ratings. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
are swift in delivering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, I would say that they are not responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to focus on what is relevant to the society.
For instance
, a protest on the methane extraction project in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tamilnadu
, which may cause serious drought in a decade, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the continuous follow-up and highlight as it loses an entertainment factor. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can be over-shadowed by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that has a religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the film industry.

In conclusion
, the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
can be more accountable for what they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
show and
they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that their job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to report the happenings and not to take any side of the issue.
Moreover
, they should take care whether the content is appropriate for the audience and provide priority to the ones that will have a huge impact on the society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many people believe that TV news and media in general have a detrimental effect on our life. Give your own opinion, including relevant examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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