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Many people believe that television programs are of no value for children. Do you agree? Why or why not? v.2

Many people believe that television programs are of no value for children. Do you agree? Why or why not? v. 2
The world of television has undergone a remarkable change with the advent of new age technology such as dish TVs and cable connection setups. Varieties of programs are being telecast daily and many believe that such TV shows hold no importance for children. However, I am a strong opponent of this belief. I strongly feel that TV programs can influence children positively if watched under parental supervision. To start with, many TV channels air documentaries regularly which are of great educational value. For instance, the channels like of BBC, National Geography and CNN provide immense knowledge on current affairs and enhance one's communication skills. Moreover, quiz shows are one of the favourites among children these days. These shows too, widen the sphere of knowledge by providing valuable information on history, geography etc. and that too in a very entertaining way. Furthermore, programs on cooking and health help children acquire good eating habits and make them health conscious by giving them valuable health tips. What is more important is that these channels act as a source of entertainment and stress busters. For example, by watching cartoon network, children enter into the wonder world and feel fresh and energetic. Additionally, some TV channels run talent shows which provide excellent platforms for youngsters to showcase their talent and nourish their skills. Also, by watching television, kids explore new things, animals and places that they couldn't see otherwise. Thriller movies and shows develop their analytic skills in a great way. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that healthy viewing habits and limited screen time can be a positive experience for children.
The world of television has undergone a remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with the advent of new age technology such as dish TVs and cable connection setups. Varieties of programs are being telecast daily and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that such TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
hold no importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, I am a strong opponent of this belief.

I
strongly
feel that TV programs can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
positively
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
under parental supervision. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
air documentaries
regularly
which are of great educational value.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
like of BBC, National Geography and CNN provide immense knowledge on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs and enhance one's communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, quiz
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are one of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
too, widen the sphere of knowledge by providing valuable information on history, geography etc. and that too in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining way.
Furthermore
, programs on cooking and health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them health conscious by giving them valuable health tips.

What is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
act as a source of entertainment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
busters.
For example
, by watching cartoon network,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter into the wonder world and feel fresh and energetic.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
run talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
which provide excellent platforms for youngsters to showcase their talent and nourish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Also
, by watching television, kids explore new things, animals and places that they couldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
otherwise
. Thriller movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
develop their analytic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Consider replacing "in a great way" with the adverb for "great"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a great way
.

In conclusion
, I would like to reiterate that healthy viewing habits and limited screen time can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Many people believe that television programs are of no value for children. Do you agree? Why or why not? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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