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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree. v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 1
Usage of social websites like Facebook is dominating our modern community. While, many people believe that this has a detrimental effect on both people and their association, yet, I have an aberration to this thought. I believe that, even though this access is certainly having a negative influence on the society, nevertheless, its propitious to the individual capacity. In this essay we will discuss both the shores and will draw an inference. Did anyone think in retrospect, that a day will come when people will be able to connect to anyone at any time in this globe? This is the reality of today's world. People are not only connected to their friends and relatives, but they also make new connections through these platforms, irrespective of their geographies. As a result, this world has become a global village, where interactions are beyond any limitations. Moreover, these sites provide access to various social groups, which a person can follow based on his interest, and in turn these keep him up-to-date with his passion. To illustrate, During one of my project related to the history of France, my new friend on snap chat, who is a local to that area helped me with accurate information and suggested me to join various groups through FB, and really helped me to accomplish my purpose efficiently, which otherwise complex for me. Having said that, this vogue of this media aligns individuals to their welfare. However, on the flip side, it creates deteriorating effects on the civilization. Since, people interact online, they do not prefer to go out and meet others in person. Hence, resulting in an association of isolated human beings implying a non-interactive population, which is fragmented. This certainly raises a question on physical togetherness of the population, unless people do not come out of their online connections. To illustrate, a study by human psychology department of UK states that, with access to multifarious social sites, 75% reduction has been observed in real-time interaction between the humans of their association. Consequently, these websites inevitably are having pernicious effects on our civilization. To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that, social connecting sites have direct impact on both individuals and the community. Even though these online connections are bringing individuals together, still, it is having negative results for the communities. I feel this trend will comprehend in the future, despite of its cons over our society.
Usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites like Facebook is dominating our modern community. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this has a detrimental effect on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their association,
yet
, I have an aberration to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. I believe that,
even though
this access is
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the society,
nevertheless
,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
propitious to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
capacity. In this essay we will discuss both the shores and will draw an inference.

Did anyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in retrospect, that a day will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to connect to anyone at any time in this globe? This is the reality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
connected to their friends and relatives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new connections through these platforms, irrespective of their geographies.
As a result
, this world has become a global village, where interactions are beyond any limitations.
Moreover
, these sites provide access to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
groups, which a person can follow based on his interest, and in turn these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him up-to-date with his passion. To illustrate, During one of my project related to the history of France, my new friend on snap chat, who is a local to that area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me with accurate information and suggested me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
various groups through FB, and
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to accomplish my purpose
efficiently
, which
otherwise
complex for me.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
said that, this vogue of this media aligns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to their welfare.

However
, on the flip side, it creates deteriorating effects on the civilization. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact online, they do not prefer to go out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
others in person.
Hence
, resulting in an association of isolated human beings implying a non-interactive population, which
is fragmented
. This
certainly
raises a question on physical togetherness of the population, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their online connections. To illustrate, a study by human psychology department of UK states that, with access to multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites, 75% reduction has
been observed
in real-time interaction between the humans of their association.
Consequently
, these websites
inevitably
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
pernicious effects on our civilization.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
connecting sites have direct impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and the community.
Even though
these online connections are bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
together,
still
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results for the communities. I feel this trend will comprehend in the future,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
its cons over our society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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