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Many people believe that professionals in certain fields like film, sports and music are heavily overpaid while other important professionals like doctors and teachers are poorly paid. v.1

Many people believe that professionals in certain fields like film, sports and music are heavily overpaid while other important professionals like doctors and teachers are poorly paid. v. 1
Human beings always like entertainment. Entertainments are in many forms and among them the films, music and games are three most popular categories. Some people think that entertainers like film actors, sports professionals, musicians are the fortunate people who raise a big amount of money. While other believes that they are overpaid and there are other professionals who should earn more than they currently do because of their invaluable services to the people and society. In this essay, I will discuss both points of views. First of all, people always admire hard works either in films, dramas or in sport. When a character's performance gets fame, that increases the worth of the actor and he demands too much amount in exchange for work that is fair as they work round the clock to entertain the public. Secondly, all the entertainers are humans, they have families, relations and sufferings, as they work hard for the community; it is not possible for them to work in an office or start a business. So they must be paid high to nourish his family. Not all entertainers are so lucky to become famous. There are numerous peoples who are entertaining the public but could not draw a handful amount because of not appreciable work and they are living from hand to mouth. Some unfortunate people are working in this profession and can’t gain attention from the general public, so they are unable to earn well. In my opinion, there are professions that need to be paid a high amount, because of their nature of work. For example, Doctors and Teachers; a doctor cures the patients and thus build the healthy society, as the fact is only a healthy nation can grow up in the world. Teachers educate a generation, which will be the future of the country. So they definitely deserve a high amount of money as salaries.
Human beings always like entertainment. Entertainments are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms and among them the films, music and games are three most popular categories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that entertainers like film actors, sports professionals, musicians are the fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who raise a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money. While other believes that they are overpaid and there are other professionals who should earn more than they
currently
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their invaluable services to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society. In this essay, I will discuss both points of views.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always admire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works either in films, dramas or in sport. When a character's performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
fame, that increases the worth of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
actor and
he demands too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
in exchange for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
round the clock to entertain the public.
Secondly
, all the entertainers are humans, they have families, relations and sufferings, as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the community; it is not possible for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in an office or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
high to nourish his family.

Not all entertainers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
lucky to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who are entertaining the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could not draw a handful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not appreciable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they are living from hand to mouth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
unfortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working in this profession and can’t gain attention from the
Consider using "public".
general public
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are unable to earn well.

In my opinion, there are professions that need to
be paid
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, Doctors and Teachers; a doctor cures the patients and
thus
build the healthy society, as the fact is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a healthy nation can grow up in the world. Teachers educate a generation, which will be the future of the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they definitely deserve a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money as salaries.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that professionals in certain fields like film, sports and music are heavily overpaid while other important professionals like doctors and teachers are poorly paid. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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