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In many sub-continent countries like India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, Cricket has become more popular than the national sports of these countries. v.4

In many sub-continent countries like India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, Cricket has become more popular than the national sports of these countries. v. 4
Hailing from a country where a cricketer is popularly known as the God, I can certainly say that cricket has outshone all other sports in the sub-continental countries including the national sports. Because of the popularity of cricket, all the other sports are being neglected or less frequently played or enjoyed. Some of the reasons, in my opinion, are media coverage, the business involved in sports, training resources and government support, different format of the sport and success rate of those countries in international tournaments. First of all electronic and social media coverage has played an important role to make the cricket popular among the people in the sub-continental countries. In India and in other sub-continental countries, almost all national and international cricket matches are telecasted on several TV channels. Highlights of matches, cricket theme shows and interviews with the cricketers are very popular on TV. Because of this, people very seldom get a chance to know about other sports and are therefore largely unaware of them. Since the cricket teams in these countries do really well at the international level, people like to watch this sport more than they are interested in national sports. The huge success in international level is one of the most prominent reasons people in this continent like to play and watch this sport. Second, cricketers are treated as celebrities and they are role models for many young and aspiring cricketers. The amount of money they earn and the focuses they get on media are quite overwhelming.   Sachin Tendulkar, for example, is very commonly known as the God of cricket in India. His popularity is such that there have been riots in his name. Almost all the international cricket players have huge fans and cricketers from Indian subcontinents like Imran Khan, Tendulkar, Wasim Akram, Afridi, Kohli, Rahul Dravid, Muralidharan etc. have more fans and followers than we can imagine.   Therefore marketing companies pay them highly to endorse their products. Again, cricket is one of the highest paying sports in sub-continental countries. Money – award money, match winnings and income from endorsements of the products, is very high as compared to any other sport. So naturally, the youngsters are inclined towards playing cricket. Moreover, training resources and government support for cricket is far more than that of national sports in these countries. Considering the commercial factor and popularity of cricket, the government also provides better facilities and resources for cricket training. There are also several private clubs and coaching centres for aspiring cricketers and current players in all major cities. Even in schools, cricket is the most encouraged and widely played sport. Finally, different formats of the sport make it more attractive to audiences of all ages. Earlier cricket used to be a winter sport, but now it is played year round. Different formats like test matches, one-day international, T-20, premier leagues and the glamour attached to this sport have enhanced the popularity of cricket than the national sports of these countries. Even many renowned movie stars are now the owners of the cricket clubs and this has further accelerated the popularity of this sport. In conclusion, everybody wants to enjoy a sport that has glamour and excitement attached. Thus national sports in the Indian sub-continent have lost their popularity to a great extent while cricket has become the craze in the sports world.
Hailing from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where a cricketer is
popularly
known as the God, I can
certainly
say that
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cricket
has outshone all
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the sub-continental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
including the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
being neglected
or less
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
or enjoyed.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
reasons, in my opinion, are media coverage, the business involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, training resources and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
format of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and success rate of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tournaments.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
electronic and social media coverage has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
popular among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the sub-continental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In India and in
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other
sub-continental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on several TV channels. Highlights of
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matches
,
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cricket
theme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and interviews with the cricketers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular on TV.
Because of this
,
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
seldom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and are
therefore
largely
unaware of them. Since the
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cricket
teams in these
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countries
do
really
well at the
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international
level,
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people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
more than they
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The huge success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
level is one of the most prominent reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this continent like to play and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this sport.

Second, cricketers
are treated
as
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
celebrities and
they are role models for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young and aspiring cricketers. The amount of money they earn and the focuses they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on media are quite overwhelming.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
,
for example
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
commonly
known as the God of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
in India. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
is such that there have been riots in his name. Almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
players have huge fans and cricketers from Indian subcontinents like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imran
Khan,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wasim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akram
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afridi
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
, Rahul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dravid
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Muralidharan
etc. have more fans and followers than we can imagine.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
marketing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
pay them
highly
to endorse their products. Again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
is one of the highest paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in sub-continental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Money
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
award money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
winnings and income from endorsements of the products, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high as compared to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
naturally
, the youngsters
are inclined
towards playing cricket.

Moreover
, training resources and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
is far more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Considering the commercial factor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
provides better facilities and resources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
training. There are
also
several private clubs and coaching
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for aspiring cricketers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
players in all major cities. Even in schools,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
is the most encouraged and
widely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
formats of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more attractive to audiences of all ages. Earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a winter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
year round.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
formats like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
, one-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
, T-20, premier leagues and the glamour attached to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
have enhanced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
renowned movie stars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the owners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
clubs and this has
further
accelerated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of this sport.

In conclusion
, everybody wants to enjoy a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that has glamour and excitement attached.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the Indian sub-continent have lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
to a great extent while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
has become the craze in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
world.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
80Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay In many sub-continent countries like India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, Cricket has become more popular than the national sports of these countries. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
560 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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