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Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? v.2

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? v. 2
Many people feel that, in recent years, there is no correlation between the amount of knowledge required to perform a certain job, and the salary recieved. For example, a surgeon working in the United States, studies 13 years in order to become fully qualified, and earns approximately 300, 000 dollars a year. In contrast, a famous actor, who did not study in the University, earns well over a million dollars for a single movie. These differences, might prevent people form persuing a carees in professions which our society is in desperate need, and so I agree with the statement given above. There are many professions in our society, which are mandatory for us to maintain a functional community, and require long periods of studying. To illustrate, we require physicians and nurses, in order to sustain a functional health system. Also, we need teachers to educated our children in schools. Because these professions are undervalued in comparisson to others, such as sportsman and actors, young people are unweeling to pursue these careers and, as a consequences, less manpower in these well needed professions. These changes has been shown in a recent study done in Israel, which indicated a 10% decrease in the amount of medical students in the last threee years, due to a 15% reduction in the average physicians salary. There are, in my poinion, two main criterias which can be used in order to assess appropriate salary. First, I believe salary should be directly related to the amount of years required to become fully educated in a given profession. According to this criteria, Universitiy professors and medical doctors for example, which studied well over ten years, whould earn more than a teacher who studied for 3 years. Second, salary should be given according to the goverments and community needs. To illustrate, computer engineers which are needed by the industry much more than actors whould be paid more, because it will encourage people to become engineers and, as a consequence, improve the economical situation. In conclusion, I agree with the above statement, and think people should be paid according to their education and society's need. Like this we will be able to direct people to the professions we, as a community, need.
Many
people
feel that, in recent years, there is no correlation between the amount of knowledge required to perform a certain job, and the
salary
recieved
.
For example
, a surgeon working in the United States, studies 13 years in order to become
fully
qualified, and earns approximately 300, 000 dollars a
year
.
In contrast
, a
famous
actor, who did not study in the University, earns well over a million dollars for a single movie. These differences, might
prevent
people
form
persuing
a
carees
in
professions
which our society is in desperate
need
, and
so
I
agree
with the statement
given
above.

There are
many
professions
in our society, which are mandatory for us to maintain a functional community, and require long periods of studying. To illustrate, we require physicians and nurses, in order to sustain a functional health system.
Also
, we
need
teachers to educated our children in schools.
Because
these
professions
are undervalued
in
comparisson
to others, such as sportsman and actors, young
people
are
unweeling
to pursue these careers and, as
a consequences
, less manpower in these well needed
professions
. These
changes
has
been shown
in a recent study done in Israel, which indicated a 10% decrease in the amount of medical students in the last
threee
years, due to a 15% reduction in the average
physicians
salary.

There are, in my
poinion
, two main
criterias
which can be
used
in order to assess appropriate
salary
.
First
, I believe
salary
should be
directly
related to the amount of years required to become
fully
educated in a
given
profession
. According to
this
criteria,
Universitiy
professors and medical doctors
for example
, which studied well over ten years,
whould
earn more than a teacher who studied for 3 years. Second,
salary
should be
given
according to the
goverments
and community
needs
. To illustrate, computer engineers which
are needed
by the industry much more than actors
whould
be paid
more,
because
it will encourage
people
to become engineers and, as a consequence,
improve
the
economical
situation.

In conclusion
, I
agree
with the above statement, and
think
people
should
be paid
according to their education and society's
need
. Like this we will be able to direct
people
to the
professions
we, as a community,
need
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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