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Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? v.1

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? v. 1
Nobody can deny that there are certain professionals like nurses, doctors and teachers who are essential to the fabric of society, and who should therefore be rewarded accordingly. However, this is seldom the case. When we look at the salaries and fees commanded by certain film stars and actresses and people who run large companies, this does not seem fair. First of all, not all film stars earn huge sums of money. In fact, at any one time in the UK, for example, roughly 80 per cent of actors are out of work and on top of that the number who are paid so-called ‘telephone number fees’ is even smaller. One must also remember that the career of many actors is very short and that therefore the money they earn has to be spread over many years. The same applies to company bosses. Stating a set of criteria as to how much people should be paid is not easy. The idea of performance-related pay is very much in vogue at the moment. Rewarding people according to qualifications has long been used as a yardstick for paying people, but it is not a consistently good measure. Another is years of relevant experience, but there are many cases where a younger person can perform a task better than someone with lots of experience. Whatever criteria are used to assess salaries, an on-going cycle will develop. This will create pressure in other areas. This considered, generally I feel that certain key professionals should have their salaries assessed by independent review bodies on an on-going basis so that they do not fall behind.
Nobody can deny that there are certain professionals like nurses, doctors and teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are essential to the fabric of society, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
therefore
be rewarded
accordingly
.
However
, this is seldom the case. When we look at the salaries and fees commanded by certain film stars and actresses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
run large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, this does not seem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, not all film stars earn huge sums of money. In fact, at any one time in the UK,
for example
, roughly 80 per cent of actors
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
out of work and
on top of that
the number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called ‘telephone number fees’ is even smaller. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
remember that the career of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actors is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short and that
therefore
the money they earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be spread
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. The same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
bosses.

Stating a set of criteria as to how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be paid
is not easy. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of performance-related pay is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much in vogue at the moment. Rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
according to qualifications has long been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a yardstick for paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a
consistently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
measure. Another is years of relevant experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where a younger person can perform a task better than someone with lots of experience.

Whatever criteria are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to assess salaries, an
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
cycle will develop. This will create pressure in other areas. This considered,
generally
I feel that certain key professionals should have their salaries assessed by independent review bodies on an
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not fall behind.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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