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Many people believe that money is a good gift for a teenager while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many people believe that money is a good gift for a teenager while others disagree. v. 1
Plenty of people consider the best present for teens should be in monetary value although, others think contrarily. Even though money given to youngsters could be used to buy things that otherwise will be difficult to buy, I believe money could be used for illegal activities by kids. One the one hand, money helps teens to buy commodities they like. At such a young age young person do not have much cash, which can fulfill their desires and gift of cash from parents can make their wishes true. This is because at such early age teenagers do not do any kind of work they only concentrate on their studies. For instance, kids can use funds received from parents to purchase the play station which could be very expensive for themselves. On the other hand, the cash received from parents can be used in criminal undertakings. This is to say that if teens have the cash, they have the freedom to use it anywhere they are interested in. Some youngsters could use finances to buy drugs or other banned substances by seeing other narcotics addicts or maybe falling prey to some offenders. This can cause some serious repercussions for them and their families also. For example, many young kids are becoming the drug addicts in the US because they have the liberty to spend money. To conclude, people point of view that teens should receive cash presents from their parents seems totally absurd and other people’s disagreement with it seems justifiable due to its detrimental consequences. In my opinion such cash gifts could make them victim of criminal predators.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider the best present for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
should be in monetary value although, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
contrarily
.
Even though
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to youngsters could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things that
otherwise
will be difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
, I believe money could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for illegal activities by kids.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
commodities they like. At such a young age young person do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
, which can fulfill their desires and gift of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their wishes true. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at such early age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not do any kind of work they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate on their studies.
For instance
, kids can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
funds received from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the play station which could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive for themselves.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
received from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in criminal undertakings. This is to say that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
, they have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it anywhere they
are interested
in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
youngsters could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
finances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
drugs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
banned substances by seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
narcotics addicts or maybe falling prey to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offenders. This can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious repercussions for them and their families
also
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young kids are becoming the drug addicts in the US
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the liberty to spend money.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
should receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
presents from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
seems
totally
absurd and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s disagreement with it seems justifiable due to its detrimental consequences. In my opinion such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
gifts could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them victim of criminal predators.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Many people believe that money is a good gift for a teenager while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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