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Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? v. 1
Availability of newer and advanced versions of smart phones has led to an increasingly large number of people using them. Many people insist that these communication tools are more dangerous than beneficial and therefore, their use should be limited / discouraged. In my opinion, although use of mobile phones may prove to be risky under certain situations, overall they are a compulsory mode of communication and thus they are a necessity. Therefore, restricting their usage is completely unwarranted. It is undoubtedly true that under some circumstances, using mobile phones can put the safety of a person in danger. In other words, there are certain situations where using cell phone is inappropriate and may result in the occurrence of grievous accidents or major injuries. Talking on phone or texting while driving may divert the driver’s attention and consequently he becomes less conscious /aware of the presence of other vehicles or people on the road. This often results in fatal accidents. On the flip side, there is a strong argument against banning / restricting handsets. Firstly, a smart phone can prove to be a saviour in the event of unpredicted natural calamities like earthquakes. Under such conditions, a hand-held device facilitates communication between survivors and the rescue team. Likewise, availability of many navigation apps on modern smart phones may help lost travellers find the right direction. This often proves to be the difference between life and death. Additionally, since most of smart phones are now equipped with the internet, we can perform various laborious tasks more efficiently. A mobile phone with high-speed internet connection not only saves time but also eliminates the need to travel. For instance, by using a smart phone a passenger can book the railway ticket from the convenience of his home. Also, these days, many financial transactions can be carried out on cell phone and this has eliminated the need to visit the bank. In conclusion, I am of the view that even though the use of a handset may be dangerous in some cases, banning it is completely preposterous. In fact, mobile phones facilitate communication and increase our efficiency to perform many mundane tasks. If the users try to use the device more responsibly, it would prove to be a boon and not a bane.
Availability of newer and advanced versions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has led to an
increasingly
large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insist that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tools are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than beneficial and
therefore
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
should
be limited
/ discouraged. In my opinion, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prove
to be risky under certain situations,
overall
they are a compulsory mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
thus
they are a necessity.
Therefore
, restricting their usage is completely unwarranted.

It is
undoubtedly
true that under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can put the safety of a person in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
In other words
, there are certain situations where using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is inappropriate and may result in the occurrence of grievous accidents or major injuries. Talking on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or texting while driving may divert the driver’s attention and
consequently
he becomes less conscious /aware of the presence of other vehicles or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the road. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in fatal accidents.

On the flip side, there is a strong argument against banning / restricting handsets.
Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prove
to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpredicted
natural calamities like earthquakes. Under such conditions, a hand-held device facilitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between survivors and the rescue team.
Likewise
, availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
navigation apps on modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
lost
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
find the right direction. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proves
to be the difference between life and death.

Additionally
, since most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equipped with the internet, we can perform various laborious tasks more
efficiently
. A mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
with high-speed internet connection not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
eliminates the need to travel.
For instance
, by using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
a passenger can book the railway ticket from the convenience of his home.
Also
, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
financial transactions can
be carried
out on cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and this has eliminated the need to visit the bank.

In conclusion
, I am of the view that
even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a handset may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, banning it is completely preposterous. In fact, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and increase our efficiency to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mundane tasks. If the users try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the device more
responsibly
, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prove
to be a boon and not a bane.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
378 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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