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many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. v. 1
Cell phones have been used in many people's lives. Some individuals think that mobile phone brings more negative elements than merits for humans. I disagree with this view because firstly, it makes people's communication closer and secondly, it makes the way of getting news easier. The mobile phone makes the communication between individuals becoming more convenient. People have to use mails to keep in touch with each other. Even in the era of telephone coming out, residents have to go to public telephone positions or install a phone at home to give a call to others, which in really unconvenient. Differently, after many people have mobiles, they can communicate with each other in anytime and anywhere, which cannot be imagined in the past. For example, people can use their cell phones to call others when they need to inform someone something, particularly they could use some applications such as WhatsApp, Skype or Zoom to give a video call to other person or even have a temporary meeting on their phones. In addition, it is more convenient to get news when people use mobiles. After the combinations between mobile phones and computers, more and more citizens' cell phone become smarter. They can use smart phone to read news and get contemporary information quickly instead of through newspaper or television only. Some researchers might argue that this occasion makes increasingly people use smart phone too long time which is harmful for their health such as eyesight and neck. However, with the development of technology, such problem would be tackled. For example, some companies' mobiles have the eyesights' protection mode that could decrease the harms for customers' eyes. These progresses contribute people to read news more timely and longer. In conclusion, I disagree with the point that the disadvantages of cell phone overweigh advantages because it makes humans' communication easier and gets news quicker. It is interesting to see the influence of it for human beings in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
brings more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
elements than merits for humans. I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
firstly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's communication closer and
secondly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the way of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
easier.

The mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the communication between individuals becoming more convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Even in the era of telephone coming out, residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to public telephone positions or install a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
at home to give a call to others, which in
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
unconvenient
.
Differently
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have mobiles, they can communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in anytime and anywhere, which cannot
be imagined
in the past.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to call others when they need to inform someone something,
particularly
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
applications such as WhatsApp, Skype or Zoom to give a video call to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person or even have a temporary meeting on their phones.

In addition
, it is more convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobiles. After the combinations between mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers, more and more citizens'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
become smarter. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
contemporary information
quickly
instead
of through newspaper or television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researchers might argue that this occasion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
increasingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
too long time which is harmful for their health such as eyesight and neck.
However
, with the development of technology, such problem would
be tackled
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' mobiles have the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eyesights
' protection mode that could decrease the harms for customers' eyes. These progresses contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
more timely and longer.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the point that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
humans' communication easier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
quicker. It is interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the influence of it for human beings in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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