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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v.1

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v. 1
It is thought by some people that mobile phone change and benefits their daily lives, including communication and the way they do business, while others claim that mobile phone is the factor of social or medical issues. In my opinion, I totally believe that there are benefits of using mobile phone than the drawbacks. Firstly, it is indisputable that mobile phone is the technology that has direct effect to our lives. The reason people nowadays communicate and operate business through mobile phone is that mobile phone can serves their needs immediately. For example, children who live separately from their parents can see one another in seconds through mobile phone’s camera, also, they can take a picture from the mobile phone and sent it back to their parents to keep them updated. Moreover, not only they can examine and revise the documents with mobile phone while running in the park, but also they can send the confirmation letter via message from their mobile phone. However, there are some drawbacks from using mobile phone. To begin with, research has found that eye sight problem is from the excessive use of mobile phone. To illustrate, shot eye sight issue occurred because the owner of the mobile phone have to concentrate on the miniature monitor which cost abundant of tension to the muscles in their eyes. Besides, people nowadays are likely to experienced crime. To give an example, most of the scammers these days scam money from people by calling them randomly, whether it is an adult or a teenager. In conclusion, with the benefits of mobile phone there will surely be drawbacks, but both of them are the results from the user. For that reason, there will be no drawback if the owner of the mobile phone use it wisely.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and benefits their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, including communication and the way they do business, while others claim that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is the factor of social or medical issues. In my opinion, I
totally
believe that there are benefits of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
than the drawbacks.

Firstly
, it is indisputable that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is the technology that has direct effect to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays communicate and operate business through mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "serve"
serves
their needs immediately.
For example
, children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
separately
from their parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
one another in seconds through mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone’s
camera,
also
, they can take a picture from the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
it back to their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them updated.
Moreover
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can examine and revise the documents with mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while running in the park,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the confirmation letter via message from their mobile phone.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks from using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, research has found that
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
problem is from the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. To illustrate, shot
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
issue occurred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the owner of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate on the miniature monitor which cost abundant of tension to the muscles in their eyes.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are likely to experienced crime. To give an example, most of the scammers these days scam money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by calling them
randomly
, whether it is an adult or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

In conclusion
, with the benefits of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
there will
surely
be drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both of them are the results from the user. For that reason, there will be no drawback if the owner of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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