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In some countries, celebrities earn higher salaries than senior politicians. What are the reasons? Is it a negative or positive development? v.1

In some countries, celebrities earn higher salaries than senior politicians. What are the reasons? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 1
It is fact that in many nations of the world, celebrities earn much more money than political leaders. There are many reasons for this situation. I believe this is a positive development. In the ensuing paragraphs I intend to support my views with arguments. As for the reasons, the primary one is, most public has less interest in politics and lots of people enjoy programs based on celebrities such as movies, sports matches, fashion shows and many others forms of entertainment. Thus, popular people earn a lucrative amount of money. Besides this, people easily influenced by star people, they try to follow them. Hence, big companies know that celebs easily make attraction of people and organisation used glamorous and successful people to promote their brands. As a result, celebrities can earn large amounts of money. Furthermore, star celebrities take help of social media so they also generate the amount from social webs like Instagram and Facebook. When it comes to the developments, most importantly, it is beneficial for the country as citizens invest in watching movies or matches watching their ideal celebrities. For instance, in Spain, football has numbers of fans and they spend money to buy tickets to see the football game, which help to increase the financial growth of clubs and authority can earn money. Moreover, it is very hard to becoming celebrities than a politician. This is because people need to work hard to become star person, while one can easily can enter into politics from their educational backgrounds. Being a celebrity, individuals have to focus on many factors even they have to focus on their fan's emotions and this is not essential in case of a politician. In conclusion, people like celebrities more and also some humans treat them as ideal. This situation makes them more reputable and wealthy people in the society. although they need to work in many areas such as voice, health, and dance. For those factors star personalities deserve the higher cash.
It is fact that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than political leaders. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this situation. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. In the ensuing paragraphs I intend to support my views with arguments.

As for the reasons, the primary one is, most public has less interest in politics and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy programs based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
such as movies, sports matches, fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others forms of entertainment.
Thus
, popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a lucrative amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
influenced by star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they try to follow them.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
know that celebs
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
attraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
glamorous and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to promote their brands.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
large amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Furthermore
, star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
generate the amount from social webs like Instagram and Facebook.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the developments, most
importantly
, it is beneficial for the country as citizens invest in watching movies or matches watching their ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
For instance
, in Spain, football has numbers of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fans and
they spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the football game, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase the financial growth of clubs and authority can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
than a politician. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to become star person, while one can
easily
can enter into politics from their educational backgrounds. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors even they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on their fan's emotions and this is not essential in case of a politician.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
more and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humans treat them as ideal. This situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more reputable and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
they need to work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas such as voice, health, and dance. For those factors star personalities deserve the higher cash.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, celebrities earn higher salaries than senior politicians. What are the reasons? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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