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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? v.8

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 8
Every child has a favourite actor or sportsperson or some kind of celebrity whom they follow via various media sources. Some are of the notion that media coverage of these stars has a harmful effect on the children. I completely agree with this notion as children start idolising these celebrities’ life and also they are too naive to understand the struggle required to become a celebrity as media frequently covers just their lavish lives. To start with, when a child thinks of the term “celebrity”, the first image that comes into their mind is a massive house, fancy cars and parties. This is because these things are what they have been seeing at least once a day on some tv channel or newspaper or even between friends discussing. They idolise this lifestyle so much so that they start to unappreciate what they already have. For example, my younger cousin is a huge fan of an Indian actor Ranbir and he idolises him so much that he keeps on asking his parents for the same clothes, apparels and maintains the same hairstyle as Ranbir. This is a major concern as children stop being themselves and try to adopt the personality and lifestyle of celebrities as shown on tv. Hence, young kids try to follow what the media covers which results in them being dissatisfied with what they have. In addition, what the media covers is mostly after these starts have achieved success. They seldom talk about the struggle they had to go through so the young generation believes it’s all about luck in life. To exemplify, almost every kid wants to be a millionaire when they grow up because all they have seen on tv are movie stars, sportsperson, CEOs as they are the subject of most of the screening but what media fail to show is the years of struggle they had to go through to achieve this. Thus, the media failing to tell the naive audience such as these young people about the daunting choices their idols had to take and work they had to do, definitely makes them believe that being famous is based on luck. In conclusion, young minds get influenced quite easily by whatever is shown to them and just showing them the lavish life of celebrities starts to make them feel inferior and they are unaware of hard work it takes to become a celebrity. So media coverage of celebrities can leave a negative effect on young minds.
Every child has a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actor or sportsperson or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
whom they follow via various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of these stars has a harmful effect on the children. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion as children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
Possible spelling mistake. 'idolising' is British English.
idolising
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
life and
also
they are too naive to understand the struggle required to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
frequently
covers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
their lavish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
with, when a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
of the term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“celebrity”
, the
first
image that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into their mind is a massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, fancy cars and parties. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these things are what they have been seeing at least once a day on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
channel or newspaper or even between friends discussing. They
Possible spelling mistake. 'idolise' is British English.
idolise
this lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
unappreciate
what they already have.
For example
, my younger cousin is a huge fan of an Indian actor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Ranbir and
he
Possible spelling mistake. 'idolises' is British English.
idolises
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on asking his parents for the same clothes, apparels and maintains the same hairstyle as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ranbir
. This is a major concern as children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
being themselves and try to adopt the personality and lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as shown on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids try to follow what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
covers which results in them
being dissatisfied
with what they have.

In addition
, what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
covers is
mostly
after these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
have achieved success. They seldom talk about the struggle they had to go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation believes it’s all about luck in life. To exemplify, almost every kid wants to be a millionaire when they grow up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
are movie stars, sportsperson, CEOs as they are the subject of most of the screening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
is the years of struggle they had to go through to achieve this.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
failing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the naive audience such as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the daunting choices their idols had to take and work they had to do, definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them believe that being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
is based
on luck.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced quite
easily
by whatever
is shown
to them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
showing them the lavish life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
inferior and
they are unaware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work it takes to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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