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Some people think international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways. 2
I strongly disagree that international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution. In today's era, surroundings are polluted terribly and air impurity is affecting the nature vastly. Every day people are increasing rapidly, so tremendous road rushes are growing. Hence we can say that the population is directly proportional to the breeze pollution. If no of people decreases, then draft foulness will decrease as well else vice versa. But people are not so concern about the factor "society", rather they keep on blaming government to take necessary steps to eradicate the wind contamination. According to the study, every individual is having car nowadays and it is noticed that family comprised of four members then every four members have their own personal cars. Can we say that cars and bikes are available in cheaper rates or car has become a desire of every person? Now almost in every countries mode of transport has become so easy and comfortable that they run metros, subway, well maintained buses still roads are busy with cars. People are blindfolded to see the adverse effect of air dirtiness that causes many respiratory problems and other serious diseases. Everyday roads are fully occupied by cars that results in accidents also. For an example in some countries like America and Japan organize a car-free day on 22 September which encourages motorist to give up their cars for one day. It promotes improvement of mass transit, cycling and walking. Though this action will not impact greatly still it is appreciated and followed. The society as well as government should be awake and organize campaigns and awareness programs to tackle the situation. Moreover, the government should ban registration for more cars to a single family. Followed by separate flyovers should be constructed especially for four wheelers for which common people those who don't have cars will not face any hurdles.
I
strongly
disagree that international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era, surroundings
are polluted
terribly
and air impurity is affecting the nature
vastly
.

Every day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing
rapidly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tremendous road rushes are growing.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
we can say that the population is
directly
proportional to the breeze pollution. If
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decreases, then draft foulness will decrease
as well
else vice versa.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
concern about the factor
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
society
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
rather
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on blaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take necessary steps to eradicate the wind contamination.

According to the study, every individual is having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
nowadays and it
is noticed
that family comprised of four members then every four members have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. Can we say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and bikes are available in cheaper rates or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has become a desire of every person?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
almost in every
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
mode of transport has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy and comfortable that they run metros, subway, well maintained buses
still
roads are busy with cars.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are blindfolded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the adverse effect of air dirtiness that causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
respiratory problems and other serious diseases. Everyday roads are
fully
occupied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
that results in accidents
also
.

For an example in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like America and Japan organize a car-free day on 22 September which encourages motorist to give up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for one day. It promotes improvement of mass transit, cycling and walking. Though this action will not impact
greatly
still
it
is appreciated
and followed.

The society
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be awake and organize campaigns and awareness programs to tackle the situation.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban registration for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to a single family. Followed by separate flyovers should
be constructed
especially
for four
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheelers
for which common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those who don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will not face any hurdles.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways. 2

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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