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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 2
Nowadays, media is an important pillar of democratic system, which aids the people with huge information from all aspects of life. But many people thought that media news related to famous stars have negative impact on the young mind. I do partly agree with this statement. This essay discuss in datails. On the one hand, this is true that, with the fast pace in technology media have enough power to coverage all aspects of the celebrities's lifestyle. Therefore, uploaded this information on various sources of media like print media, digital media or on internet for easy access to people. Which result in, young children are trying to imitate the life style of famous personalities, consequently, they distract from their future career aspiration. For instance, many children attempts to copy the illegal method of earning money, as like they saw them on movies. Additonally, Some youngster who follow their stars are copying the fashion sense, which it is not accepted in the society. Hence, abundant information about celebrities tend the detrimental affect on youth On the other hand, media information about star's life is beneficial in owning myraid reasons. Firstly, many children get inspired from the hard life success stories of the famous person. Therefore, it provide the motivation and self confidence among the youth mind. For instance, autobiography of some stars is really inspiration for the children and encourge to fullfill their life's ambitions. Furthermore, media coverage of stars make people more conginant. Therefore, they have a chance to get learn how to communicate among the audience. In conclusion, media information about different aspects make people more knowlegable. Therefore media should covered only positive aspect of celebrities life, so that it become more useful for the young people.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
pillar of democratic system, which aids the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
news related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the young mind. I do partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
The verb 'discuss' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay discusses"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay discuss
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
datails
.

On the one hand, this is true that, with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace in technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
power to coverage all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of the
Did you mean "celebritie's" or "celebrities'"?
celebrities's
lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, uploaded this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on various sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or on internet for easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Which result in, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are trying to imitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities,
consequently
, they distract from their future career aspiration.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attempts to copy the illegal method of earning money, as like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
them on movies.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Additonally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
youngster who follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are copying the fashion sense, which it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the society.
Hence
, abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about celebrities tend the detrimental
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on youth

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about star's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is beneficial in owning
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
success stories of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
the motivation and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
among the youth mind.
For instance
, autobiography of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
is
really
inspiration for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
encourge
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their life's ambitions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
conginant
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, they have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
learn how to communicate among the audience.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlegable
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "cover"
covered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it become more useful for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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