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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. with this opinion? v. 6
Nowadays, most famous people can easily access by every aging, especially in children's group through various types of media. Their action can affect both negatively and positively. Therefore, I partially agree that celebrities have a negative influence on children and I will discuss my opinions in this essay below. Firstly, children in new generation mostly use media to learn and relax so they usually see many influcencer in the online media, which tend to induce those innocent children to follow their action. For example, Netflix's series include many rude words and an unapprociate manner that young people tend to follow those things without awareness and consciousness. However, the mass media also has positive sides that it provides benefits such as updating news, collecting important data, a lot of learning sources. Therefore, if parents help their young child selecting the good example people in the media, it will be useful for them and helping kids to inspire their job interesting in the future. For instance, "Khun Noo dee", she is a famous person in the education industry, which publishes her study experiences and study techniques on the social media. Thus, kids can follow a proper action for studying from her platform. In conclusion, I would argue that the media have coverage of celebrities is having both side effects if children have a good advice from their family. Therefore, it is not only parents that should select the best role model to kids, but the media should consider about an unsuitable issue for children on every type of media.
Nowadays, most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
access by every aging,
especially
in children's group through various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Their action can affect both
negatively
and
positively
.
Therefore
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that celebrities have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and I will discuss my opinions in this essay below.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in new generation
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to learn and relax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
influcencer
in the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which tend to induce those innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow their action.
For example
, Netflix's series include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rude words and an
Possible spelling mistake found.
unapprociate
manner that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to follow those things without awareness and consciousness.

However
, the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides that it provides benefits such as updating news, collecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
learning sources.
Therefore
, if parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their young child selecting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, it will be useful for them and helping kids to inspire their job interesting in the future.
For instance
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khun
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noo
Possible spelling mistake found.
dee
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, she is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person in the education industry, which publishes her study experiences and study techniques on the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Thus
, kids can follow a proper action for studying from her platform.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have coverage of celebrities is having both side effects if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advice from their family.
Therefore
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
parents that should select the best role model to kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should
Did you mean simply "consider an"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about an
unsuitable issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on every type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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