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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.11

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. with this opinion? v. 11
People generally have a conception that celebrities have an influence on their children through media. I agree that the well known person has an impact on the children, but to a little extent. Let us discuss more about this in detail. The First point is we all are watching the famous personalities since from the inception of television. Children are enthusiastic to see their famous stars on television and try to impersonate them. This doesn't have a negative influence if the celebrity is a dignified person with moral character. For instance, Obama, the Potus of the Unites States have so many followers throughout the world and children are one among them. If they follow the footsteps of Obama, then there is no problem as Obama is a person with high moral and ethical character. So it's depends on who the kids are watching and how they perceive them. On the Contrary, there are some famous persons who are controversial, abusive and make fierce speeches. There is a worry when the kids try to mimic them. For example, take the Joker Character of Batman Rises, who is a psychopath and if children like and imitate him in real life then it leads to a traumatic concern. As per the University of Colorado, it has been proven that television has an impact on the building of child's Character. So it's the responsibility of the parents to keep an eye on about what their offsprings are seeing. The conclusion is there is a limited influence of the famous celebrities on the children and the best way to tackle the issue is to explain the good and bad to the kids. The government also should take precautionary measures to control the controversial shows.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
generally
have a conception that celebrities have an influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through media. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the well known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has an impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
extent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss more about this in detail.

The
First
point is we all are watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities since from the inception of television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are enthusiastic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
stars on television and try to impersonate them. This doesn't have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence if the celebrity is a dignified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
.
For instance
, Obama, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Potus
of the Unites States have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
followers throughout the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are one among them. If they follow the footsteps of Obama, then there is no problem as Obama is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with high moral and ethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's depends on
Did you mean "whom"?
who
the kids are watching and how they perceive them.

On the Contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
who are controversial, abusive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fierce speeches. There is a worry when the kids try to mimic them.
For example
, take the Joker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Character
of Batman Rises, who is a psychopath and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like and imitate him in real life then it leads to a traumatic concern. As per the University of Colorado, it has
been proven
that television has an impact on the building of child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Character
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's the responsibility of the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on about what their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
are seeing.

The conclusion is there is a limited influence of the
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the best way to tackle the issue is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to the kids. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should take precautionary measures to control the controversial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. with this opinion? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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