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In class, you have been discussing the statement ‘Old people should be looked after by members of their family or it is better for them to live in nursing-home’. Your teacher has asked you to write an essay expressing your own opinion. Write your ess v.1

In class, you have been discussing the statement ‘Old people should be looked after by members of their family or it is better for them to live in nursing-home’. Your teacher has asked you to write an essay expressing your own opinion. Write your ess v. 1
With men and women tend to get married when they reach the thirties, it is no wonder that some people argue that this is not a positive trend. While some people are on the contrary, I totally agree with the approach of late marriage after settling into a stable career, and this will be shown in the following lines. On the one hand, people nowadays think more practically than the older generations, by persuading their careers first before starting a family. While young men and women in their early twenties are more energetic, reaching thirties is the optimal age for marriage as a recent survey published by Al-Ahram Weekly on the perfect time for couples to settle down. This is because people are more experienced at that age and more capable of handling pressure and responsibility. Therefore, I believe that seeking a partner before achieving career goals is not the perfect choice. On the other hand, when couples get married at an early age, this may come at a price. This is because some men and women tend to quit their jobs after having a baby to be more focused on raising the child. If married couples are not fully aware of the responsibilities that may be caused by that decision, it could lead to a fast divorce. A prime example of that is research conducted by the Egyptian Organization for Statistics in 2017 which shows couples in their mid or early twenties have a higher rate of divorce than those married in their late twenties by 40%. Hence, having shown the demerits of early marriage, I believe that high divorce rates could be reduced. In conclusion, despite the derive from the older generation to younger ones to establish a family after graduation, I disagree with this development. I believe that young men and women should focus on establishing a career first and gain more experience before starting a family.
With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married when they reach the thirties, it is no wonder that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
on the contrary
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the approach of late marriage after settling into a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, and this will
be shown
in the following lines.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
practically
than the older generations, by persuading their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting a family. While young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
twenties are more energetic, reaching thirties is the optimal age for marriage as a recent survey published by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Al-Ahram
Weekly on the perfect time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
to settle down. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more experienced at that age and more capable of handling pressure and responsibility.
Therefore
, I believe that seeking a partner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
goals is not the perfect choice.

On the other hand
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at a price. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to quit their jobs after having a baby to be more focused on raising the child. If married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are not
fully
aware of the responsibilities that may
be caused
by that decision, it could lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
divorce. A prime example of
that is
research conducted by the Egyptian Organization for Statistics in 2017 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
in their mid or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
twenties have a higher rate of divorce than those married in their late twenties by 40%.

Hence
, having shown the demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
marriage, I believe that high divorce rates could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, despite
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'derive' is correct. If 'derive' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the derive
from the older generation to younger ones to establish a family after graduation, I disagree with this development. I believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should focus on establishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
first
and gain more experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting a family.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In class, you have been discussing the statement ‘Old people should be looked after by members of their family or it is better for them to live in nursing-home’. Your teacher has asked you to write an essay expressing your own opinion. Write your ess v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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