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computer technology has had more of a negative than a positive impact on society. How far do you agree with this statement? v.2

computer technology has had more of a negative than a positive impact on society. How far v. 2
In this day and age, some people think the minus effects of computer technologies has been more than their benefits. Although this notion accepted by a large number of people, There are many of expert have a fully distinct view against this topic. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss why I agree with this statement. To begin with, there are various reasons to promote worries among people about last computer technologies. First and foremost, today, the anxiety of information security increased because the information became digitalized and due to their less volume, rob them became easier and faster. For example, the personal information of company members or financial information of a bank can insert in a flash drive and to be sold by staff members. Secondly, the cyber-attack is another problem and is a way of war between countries that have a lot of economic damages for a country that got attacked. For instance, a recent scientific research conducted with Tehran University researchers shows that attacked to many of governmental, banking, airport, powerhouse systems by hackers of enemy countries all around the world. In conclusion, there are several compelling reasons for disapproval the computer technologies from people, in my personal sentiment, although these means have had many advantages for us, but their negative effects are far of their benefits regardless of security issues.
In this day and age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the minus effects of computer technologies has been more than their benefits. Although this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of expert have a
fully
distinct view against this topic. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various reasons to promote worries among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about last computer technologies.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the anxiety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
security increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
became digitalized and due to their less volume, rob them became easier and faster.

For example
, the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
members or financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of a bank can insert in a flash drive and to
be sold
by staff members.

Secondly
, the cyber-attack is another problem and is a way of war between countries that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
economic damages for a country that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
attacked.

For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "recent scientific research".
a recent scientific research
conducted with Tehran University researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that attacked to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of governmental, banking, airport, powerhouse systems by hackers of enemy countries all around the world.

In conclusion
, there are several compelling reasons for disapproval the computer technologies from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, in my personal sentiment, although these means have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are
The usual preposition for "far" is "from." Revise: "far from".
far of
their benefits regardless of security issues.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay computer technology has had more of a negative than a positive impact on society. How far v. 2

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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