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Many people believe that international tourism has negative implications on their countries What is the reason for it What can be done to change the negative attitude towards international tourism v.1

Many people believe that international tourism has negative implications on their countries What is the reason for it What can be done to change the negative attitude towards international tourism v. 1
It is generally stated that human temperaments are permanent and these are already set into our genes before we are given birth. Personally, I strongly object this argument, in contrast, people have their qualities when they was born, but these also are modified during their lifetime. In other words, these qualities such as modesty, patience, kindness might be changed by the life experience. Firstly, I have no doubt that some people tend to use most of their lifetime to practice modesty, learning how to be more humble. This is the essential quality for everyone, especially for famous people such as presidents, generals or teachers because this helps them gain the respects from the others. Thus, we should practice this quality by doing some physical activities, for instance, taking material art. In addition, determination and patience count good qualities, encouraging people to enhance themselves. In fact, being determined means focusing on your goals, trying hard until reaching the objectives. The more intensely we put, the more opportunities we obtain. I am convinced that most of successful people have strong determination. Take Usan Bolt as an example for this, he used to be a normal boy, but by trying hard on practicing running, he now is a fastest man with the world records which are only broken by himself. Furthermore, kindness is also regarded as the fundamental temperament of a good person which bring people closer. People who are kind usually have a successful career as well because when this helps them gain the reliability from the others. In other words, when we care about the others, this will bring a sense of being protected. Thus, people tend to follow and support to anyone who carries out and makes them feel safe. It is also called the win-win relationship. All in all, we can build up our kindness by taking part in some social activities or voluntary events in our local areas. To summarize, although our personalities are being set in our genes, we can modify these qualities such as learn how to be a good person, being patient, modest, determined and kind. Individually, I believe that we can change everything we want. By supporting the suitable environment, we can encourage these good qualities to develop follow our intension.
It is
generally
stated that human temperaments are permanent and these are already set into our genes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth.
Personally
, I
strongly
object this argument,
in contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
when they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
born,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
also
are modified
during their lifetime. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
such as modesty, patience, kindness might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the life experience.

Firstly
, I have no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
most of their lifetime to practice modesty, learning how to be more humble. This is the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
for everyone,
especially
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as presidents, generals or teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them gain the respects from the others.
Thus
, we should practice this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities,
for instance
, taking material art.

In addition
, determination and patience count
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enhance themselves. In fact,
being determined
means focusing on your goals, trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
until reaching the objectives. The more
intensely
we put, the more opportunities we obtain. I
am convinced
that most of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have strong determination. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usan
Bolt as an example for this, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a normal boy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on practicing running, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
fastest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with the world records which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broken by himself.

Furthermore
, kindness is
also
regarded as the fundamental temperament of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person which bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are kind
usually
have a successful career
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them gain the reliability from the others. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when we care about the others, this will bring a sense of
being protected
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to follow and support to anyone who carries out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel safe. It is
also
called the win-win relationship. All in all, we can build up our kindness by taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social activities or voluntary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in our local areas.

To summarize
, although our personalities are
being set
in our genes, we can modify these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
such as learn how to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person, being patient, modest, determined and kind.
Individually
, I believe that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
everything we want. By supporting the suitable environment, we can encourage these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
to develop follow our
Possible spelling mistake found.
intension
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that international tourism has negative implications on their countries What is the reason for it What can be done to change the negative attitude towards international tourism v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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