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Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution in these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both view and give your own opinion. v.1

Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution in these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. v. 1
In metropolitan cities, people find few chances to meet their neighbours, and thus, there is a lack of social relations between them. These circumstances have adverse effects on society. This essay will discuss the causes of these situations and the keys to solving this issue. Firstly, the people of the modern generation are workaholic and busy in building their careers. They find it is a waste of time to mingle with their neighbours. Moreover, they have tight schedules between job and life, even people work overnight to meet their targets. Secondly, people are concerned about the safety of their children, the news regarding abduction cases is so scaring and parents don't want their kids to play or roam around the streets with neighbouring children. For instance, children are directed to play online or virtual games in their homes. Finally, people from various part of the world resides as neighbours in metro cities and they have different culture and attitudes. Additionally, they speak languages that are not familiar to others, so people find it difficult to interact with them. These situations harm society, if a critical situation arises nobody will care and everybody will remain as a viewer. There are certain measures through which these issues can be solved. Residence associations can arrange weekly meetings to give a chance for dwellers to interact with each other. Also, they can start activity centres for children so that they can play and develop co-curricular skills. Through children, families can interact and maintain a good relation. Furthermore, companies can adjust the working hours of their employees and ensure that their employees are getting enough time for social life. Hence, they will perform much better in their job. To sum up, the lack of social relationships between city dwellers has a negative impact on the society and measures taken by employers and the residence association can solve this issue.
In metropolitan cities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find few chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, and
thus
, there is a lack of social relations between them. These circumstances have adverse effects on society. This essay will discuss the causes of these situations and the keys to solving this issue.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the modern generation are workaholic and busy in building their careers. They find it is a waste of time to mingle with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Moreover
, they have tight schedules between job and life, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work overnight to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their targets.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the safety of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the news regarding abduction cases is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
scaring and parents don't want their kids to play or roam around the streets with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are directed
to play online or virtual games in their homes.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various part of the world resides as
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
in metro
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cities and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and attitudes.
Additionally
, they speak languages that are not familiar to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to interact with them. These situations harm society, if a critical situation arises nobody will care and everybody will remain as a viewer.

There are certain measures through which these issues can
be solved
.

Residence associations can arrange weekly meetings to give a chance for dwellers to interact with each other.
Also
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
activity
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can play and develop co-curricular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, families can interact and maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relation.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can adjust the working hours of their employees and ensure that their employees are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for social life.
Hence
, they will perform much better in their job.

To sum up, the lack of social relationships between city dwellers has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society and measures taken by employers and the residence association can solve this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution in these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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