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Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors Discuss both views and include your own opinion v.4

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors 4
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to whether happiness depends on oneself or other external elements. In this essay, I will examine this question from both points of view and then explain why I agree with the former opinion. On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that happiness depends on oneself. This is because what is happiness for an individual is different from person to person. It depends on people whether they feel happy when the same event happen to them. Therefore, some can find happiness in their work, while it may bring about only agony to others. It is also possible to say that people can obtain true happiness by making great efforts. One good illustration of this is a family relationship. People often struggle to understand their partners, raise their children, and solve family problems. Such efforts can make them happy in the end. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that external factors have a significant influence on individuals’ happiness. People often have this opinion because emotion can be affected by external stimulation. For example, a person, who has lived a happy life so far, can be unhappy suddenly due to the death of a family member. It is often extremely challenging to control this change of emotional status on their own. Support from others can relieve sadness and make them happy again. In conclusion, I believe that both arguments are convincing. On balance, however, I tend to believe that individuals have responsibility for their own happiness because it is different among people and can be achieved by their own efforts, not coming from outside.
One of the
highly
controversial issues
today
relates to whether
happiness
depends on oneself or
other
external elements. In this essay, I will examine this question from both points of view and then
explain
why I
agree
with the former opinion.

On one side of the argument, there are
people
who argue that
happiness
depends on oneself. This is
because
what is
happiness
for an individual is
different
from person to person. It depends on
people
whether they feel
happy
when the same
event
happen to them.
Therefore
,
some
can find
happiness
in their work, while it may bring about
only
agony to others. It is
also
possible to say that
people
can obtain true
happiness
by making great efforts. One
good
illustration of this is a family relationship.
People
often
struggle to understand their partners, raise their children, and solve family problems. Such efforts can
make
them
happy
in the
end
.

On the
other
hand, it is
also
possible to
make
the opposing case. It is
often
argued that external factors have a significant influence on individuals’
happiness
.
People
often
have this opinion
because
emotion can be
affected
by external stimulation.
For example
, a person, who has
lived
a
happy
life
so
far, can be unhappy
suddenly
due to the death of a family member. It is
often
extremely
challenging to control this
change
of emotional status on their
own
. Support from others can relieve sadness and
make
them
happy
again.

In conclusion
, I believe that both arguments are convincing. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that individuals have responsibility for their
own
happiness
because
it is
different
among
people
and can
be achieved
by their
own
efforts, not coming from outside.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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