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Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly popular. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.3

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly popular. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3
It is undeniable that sickness due to stress is increasing at an alarming rate among the people. This essay will discuss the two root causes of this problem, including target oriented jobs and a conflict between family members. This essay will also suggest some incredible solutions to tackle this including healthy diet and balance one's personal and professional life. People are now choosing the high demanding jobs than ever, where they have to complete certain targets in order to prove themselves and sometime targets are hard to achieve and make the employees more stressful. In addition, disturbed family life is an another reason of a stress. Because it is seen that some people devoted less time to their families and it might be the cause of the misunderstanding among the family members. Indeed, there have been some recorded instances of people who are suffering from mild stress due to the pressurized workplace and disconnected from their close ones. This often results in the mental disturbance which develops just because of earning high status and well paid jobs in the sake of family life. To maintain a balance between work- family life and eating a nutritious diet are the two main solutions that could help to eradicate this sickness. Although working hard is certainly worthwhile, but consuming a balanced and nutritious food is immensely necessary to deal with the illness that arise due to stress. Moreover, one should ought to spend more and more time with the family so that members in a home could understand each others intentions and ultimately the conflict will be resolved potentially. For example, one research article suggests that 70% people in North America are neglecting their families, friends and even the diet under the job pressure. Therefore, in order to mitigate the effects of this serious problem, one should definitely take proper attention towards their family and a diet they eat. In conclusion, in todays world people are getting stressed, which is a serious issue. This essay suggested the reasons behind this such as to achieve goals while working and the family problems. This essay also suggested that the solutions to this problem are twofold: to eat balanced food and make healthier relationship with family.
It is undeniable that sickness due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is increasing at an alarming rate among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss the two root causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, including target oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and a conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incredible solutions to tackle this including healthy diet and balance one's personal and professional life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
choosing the high demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
than ever, where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete certain targets in order to prove themselves and sometime targets are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the employees more stressful.
In addition
, disturbed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life is
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a reason" or "another reason".
an another reason
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devoted less time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and it might be the cause of the misunderstanding among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Indeed
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recorded instances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering from mild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
due to the pressurized workplace and disconnected from their close ones. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in the mental disturbance which develops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of earning high status and well paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.

To maintain a balance between work-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and eating a nutritious diet are the two main solutions that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to eradicate this sickness. Although working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is
certainly
worthwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
consuming a balanced and nutritious food is
immensely
necessary to deal with the illness that arise due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
Moreover
, one should ought to spend more and more time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that members in a home could understand each others intentions and
ultimately
the conflict will
be resolved
potentially
.
For example
, one research article suggests that 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in North America are neglecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, friends and even the diet under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
pressure.
Therefore
, in order to mitigate the effects of this serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, one should definitely take proper attention towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and a diet they eat.

In conclusion
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, which is a serious issue. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
suggested the reasons behind this such as to achieve goals while working and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested that the solutions to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are twofold: to eat balanced food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthier relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly popular. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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