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Many people believe that death penalty is necessary to keep security system efficient in the society. While there are some negative aspects of capital punishment, I agree with the view that without it we will become more vulnerable to violence. v.1

Many people believe that death penalty is necessary to keep security system efficient in the society. While there are some negative aspects of capital punishment, I agree with the view that without it we will become more vulnerable to violence. v. 1
Many people believe that death penalty is necessary to keep security system efficient in the society. While there are some negative aspects of capital punishment, I agree with the view that without it we will become more vulnerable to violence. Death penalty can be considered unsuitable punishment for several reasons. The strongest argument is that we have no rights to kill other humans. Right to live is the basic right of any human being, and no one can infringe this right, irrespective of the person’s deeds. Moreover, innocent people can face wrongful execution. Such unfair sentences take away lives of innocent people and make other citizens lose faith in law and justice. And besides, sometimes criminals repent of their acts. In this case they should be given a second chance to improve themselves. However, I believe that capital punishment is necessary in the society. Firstly, it is an effective deterrent of major crimes. The best method to prevent a person from committing crime is to show the consequences of his or her actions. For example, the government of Pakistan has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties for the members of terrorist organisations. Secondly, the governments spend large sums of national budget on maintenance of prisoners. Instead, this money can be used for the development of the society and welfare of the people. To sum up, although capital punishment has some disadvantages, I think that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening governmental expenses and preventing other people from doing crimes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that death penalty is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
security system efficient in the society. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we will become more vulnerable to violence.

Death penalty can
be considered
unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for several reasons. The strongest argument is that we have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
to kill other humans.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of any human being, and no one can infringe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
, irrespective of the person’s deeds.
Moreover
, innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can face wrongful execution. Such unfair sentences take away
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
other citizens lose faith in law and justice. And
besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
criminals repent of their acts.
In this case
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a second chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.

However
, I believe that capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is necessary in the society.
Firstly
, it is an effective deterrent of major crimes. The best method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a person from committing crime is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
actions.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Pakistan has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties for the members of terrorist
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spend large sums of national budget on maintenance of prisoners.
Instead
, this money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the development of the society and welfare of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, although capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening governmental expenses and preventing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from doing crimes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that death penalty is necessary to keep security system efficient in the society. While there are some negative aspects of capital punishment, I agree with the view that without it we will become more vulnerable to violence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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