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Some poeple think thart is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some poeple think thart is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 1
Art is often the source of divergence, particularly when it becomes an education subject. Many people think that it should be taught at school to help children to develop their skills, whereas others believe that art is not a serious matter. In my opinion, art is more a leisure than an educational. It could be integrated to the curriculum, but not at the same level than Mathematic or Litteracy. In this essay, I will discuss the both positions of this question and give the several reasons of my point-view. First of all, music and draw is considered by many people like a source of divertisment. Indeed, traditionally, for a lot of children it is more a hobby to sing or draw into a canvas. Moreover, It helps them to improve certain skills that they cannot aquiere with other subject, such as Physics. For instance, they learn how to have a better sense or become more careful and look for the detail that anyone can see. Generally, they do it with passion and learn without doing any efforts. Therefore, I think that it is a good balance for these young people, particularly when they start school. Furthermore, art should be practice outside the school. In fact, it is preferable for them to do it during their free time instead of watching movies or playing video games. It is present under different forms, such as sport or music. It is important to notice that everyone does not have the same hobbies. So, give them the opportunity to do it class is more a waste of time. For example, I remember when I was in primary school I hated music because I could not play piano, however, I liked drawing and I would that all musicc blocks was replaced by drawing blocks on my schedule. Thus, I believe that children should be given the choice by asking them if they want to insert at least one hour of this educational during their week. In conclusion, art helps children to develop new skills without any effort. It is also considered by them more like an entertainment than a serious subject. Nevertheless, it does not have the same level than others, so the teacher should give it to them like an option.
Art
is
often
the source of divergence,
particularly
when it becomes an education subject.
Many
people
think
that it should
be taught
at school to
help
children
to develop their
skills
, whereas others believe that
art
is not a serious matter. In my opinion,
art
is more a leisure than
an educational
. It could
be integrated
to the curriculum,
but
not at the same level
than
Mathematic or
Litteracy
. In this essay, I will discuss the both positions of this question and give the several reasons of my point-view.

First of all
, music and draw
is considered
by
many
people
like a source of
divertisment
.
Indeed
,
traditionally
, for
a lot of
children
it is more a hobby to sing or draw into a canvas.
Moreover
, It
helps
them to
improve
certain
skills
that they cannot
aquiere
with other subject, such as

Physics.
For instance
, they learn how to have a better sense or become more careful and look for the detail that anyone can
see
.
Generally
, they do it with passion and learn without doing any efforts.
Therefore
, I
think
that it is a
good
balance for these young
people
,
particularly
when they
start
school.

Furthermore
,
art
should be practice outside the school. In fact, it is preferable for them to do it during their free time
instead
of watching movies or playing video games. It is present under
different
forms, such as sport or music. It is
important
to notice that everyone does not have the same hobbies.
So
, give them the opportunity to do it
class
is more a waste of time.
For example
, I remember when I was in primary school I hated music
because
I could not play piano,
however
, I liked drawing and I would that all
musicc
blocks
was replaced
by drawing blocks on my schedule.
Thus
, I believe that
children
should be
given
the choice by asking them if they want to insert at least one hour of this educational during their week.

In conclusion
,
art
helps
children
to develop new
skills
without any effort. It is
also
considered by them more like an entertainment than a serious subject.
Nevertheless
, it does not have the same level
than
others,
so
the teacher should give it to them like an option.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some poeple think thart is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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