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Many people believe that advertising has negative effects on consumers. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Many people believe that advertising has negative effects on consumers. v. 1
Some opinions suppose that face to face communication is more effective way than written communication. I completely agree with this argument because of some reasons which will be discussed in the below paragraphs. First, it is certainly valid that almost all the entrepreneurs deal are often in form by handwritten letter or on as paper business deals include a amount of money matters. But this should be considered sometimes, things could not express by a letter or a message as well as they need to require more factors which could only be performed by talking directly to the person. Facial expression and emotions are also an important thing to help the person to deliver the message in a more effective way that make the listener to understand in any situation clearly. In fact, it is clearly that a seller could allure more potential opportunities, only if he interacts directly to partners or customers rather than sending advertisement messages which are usually ignored by people. Moreover, face to face communication obviously helps people to expand social relations and connecting among members from all walk of life. This only happens in a person meeting which create an opportunity to everybody talk in a better way, being understood to each other. These direct conversations could bring people a closer relationship, whereas written communication is very easy to cause misunderstandings. For example, misunderstandings due to unsigned text messaging often appears anywhere, especially in Viet Nam. This is definitely a drawback which usually happens in typing message. In conclusion, direct communication is necessary to express right words and thoughts, this adds immense quality in conversation, but also expand more social relationships, despite the fact that written communication is needed in some particular circumstances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opinions suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is more effective way than written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which will
be discussed
in the below paragraphs.

First
, it is
certainly
valid that almost all the entrepreneurs deal are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
in form by handwritten letter or on as paper business deals include
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
amount of money matters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this should
be considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, things could not express by a letter or a message
as well
as they need to require more factors which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be performed
by talking
directly
to the person. Facial expression and emotions are
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the person to deliver the message in a more effective way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the listener to understand in any situation
clearly
. In fact, it is
clearly
that a seller could allure more potential opportunities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if he interacts
directly
to partners or customers
rather
than sending advertisement messages which are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to expand social relations and connecting among members from all walk of life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happens in a person meeting which create an opportunity to everybody talk in a better way,
being understood
to each other. These direct conversations could bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a closer relationship, whereas written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to cause misunderstandings.
For example
, misunderstandings due to unsigned text messaging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
appears anywhere,
especially
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam. This is definitely a drawback which
usually
happens in typing message.

In conclusion
, direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is necessary to express right words and thoughts, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
immense quality in conversation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
expand more social relationships, despite the fact that written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is needed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular circumstances
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that advertising has negative effects on consumers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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